Still nothing. I’ll just get that out there right away since I’m sure many of my regular readers were hoping this would be The Post. I know I was hoping this would be The Post. I have been kind of avoidy lately – not wanting to answer the phone just to say, “No, nothing yet.” Not wanting to write another post about how we still haven’t heard anything. I keep hoping, if I just wait another hour or two, I’ll have something way better to write about than what I have to say now. Which is pretty much – we’re getting really impatient and grumpy and to top matters off, I have a soar throat, which is making me doubly grumpy. I’m hardly hungry at all, which is weird for a hungry pregnant woman. So far today I’ve had a small cup of yogurt, some ramen noodles, two cups of tea and a cup of coffee. And water. Formerly delicious, now mostly just a welcome relief to my thirst, water. I’m tired of being grumpy. I’m tired of my throat hurting. I’m tired of this gigantic belly that I can hardly complain about because “I haven’t gained any weight at all,” but I still feel like I’m trapped in someone else’s way less healthy, hugely pregnant body. I have no energy, I’m losing my good humor and I kind of just want to go back to bed. Except I don’t want to miss the moment when he finds out, because good lord it’s gotta happen soon. They wouldn’t actually make us wait a full two weeks would they??
I really want it to be Saturday, because by Saturday we’ll have found out one way or another, hopefully several days before then – and more importantly we have lots of plans this weekend with family that I’m looking forward to. Like breakfast at a restaurant my MIL has been recommending to me for like two years or something, my brother in law’s Eagle Scout ceremony, and Mother’s Day weekend. I can already tell you pretty plainly that I expect to get nothing for Mother’s Day (except that aforementioned breakfast out to eat) and I don’t really care. Our savings is dwindling away and knowing whether we’ll be employed again is present enough for me right now. I’d be a little furious if he bought a card and I doubt he’ll hand make one, although you never know. And MM? He’s only three so he certainly won’t be coming up with something on his own. Still, it’s a holiday and I am looking forward to it. Or at least the BBQ we’re going to that day at the in laws – and church that day looks like it will be a good one, according to the newsletter.
I am bummed about leaving this church if and when we move. I really like – I like the people, I love the stimulating information we seem to get each week, the discussion fodder it provides my husband and I – plus there is not much cuter than hearing your preschooler say, “I wanna go to church,” even when I know he’s only talking about all the toys in their nursery. It’s still nice to hear. I hope that the UU churches in the area are nice. I’ve looked at their websites but it’s kind of hard to get a feel for them that way. Will they be as nice as this one? Better? Or nothing like it. It saddens me that we’ve finally found a church we love and now we’re moving. And now when we go to church I kind of just feel like I’m going through the motions because it doesn’t really belong to me anymore. I know that’s not really true, but it’s how I feel. It’s how I feel about a lot of things. This isn’t really my apartment, it’s just the place I’m sleeping in, where all my stuff is, where I wait for an email from Dream Company. This isn’t really my library – it’s just building with books that I’m not sure I want to check out because I don’t know if I’ll have time to finish reading them before we move, if we move.
God help me if we don’t move – as much as it would make some things – like the birth of our second child – a little bit easier and our family would be kind of thrilled in spite of themselves. But we’ve already mentally said goodbye to this place. We’ve made tentative plans, googled preschools and grocery stores and UU churches. We’ve planned a google map complete with preferred hotels because we’re leaning towards driving to Dream State instead of flying so I don’t have to deal with another airport so soon – and so we can pretend we’re on vacation since we surely won’t be able to afford a real one. We’ve looked into the prices of moving companies and boxes, the apartment we want to live in, whose website is permanently open in a tab in my Firefox browser. We’ve looked into the area hospitals, the health insurance options, the OBGYNs in the area and which clinics I’d rather go to for prenatal appointments. I know where the closest pizza restaurants are. I’m ready. And tired of waiting.
Alright, hubby is mandating a family walk (in the cold, wet weather) to try and get some fresh air and improve all our moods. Because we’re all feeling about as pent up and annoyed as me – and I wouldn’t doubt if he’s feeling worse (minus the sore throat) what with this being his career on the line and all. Maybe we’ll come back to an answer?