One of the writing prompts in Mama Kat’s basically world famous writer’s workshop this week was:
6. List 10 people, places, or things you’d like to give a timeout to.
Luckily, my angst is in full swing today so coming up with ten things to send to the penalty box shouldn’t be much of a problem (btw: the penalty box is apparently also known as the “sin bin” according to the team trivia game I went to last night – the more you know…). Here’s my list today:
- Sinus allergies. Sinus pressure. Allergies. Feeling like my head might literally explode. It’s the worst. TIMEOUT for sinus allergy pressure, please and thank you. Stay in your room until you feel sorry for what you’ve done or until everything outside is dead again.
- Justin Bieber. And Miley Cyrus. I’m grouping them together because I suspect they might in fact be the same person (and I’m not the only one) and both are equally in need of a ten year long timeout.
- Paper clutter. I know that it’s existence in my home is really my own fault but it doesn’t make me want to shove it all in a rubber room any less. I’d like to sentence paper clutter to an eternity in a bonfire, stat.
- Restaurants that don’t serve dessert. Seriously, what point are they trying to prove? Is it that hard to sell me a darn cookie?
- Cold weather in May. We’re halfway to June, it’s not allowed to be cold anymore. Stop making me have to debate the merits of wearing a jacket – I don’t want to wear a jacket EVER AGAIN, Mother Nature.
- Insurance Companies. My job would seriously be 80% easier if insurance companies either stopped being jerks or just disappeared altogether.
- McDonalds. I ordered a crispy chicken sandwich with a Dr Pepper at the drive thru and was asked if I wanted beef or chicken. Ummm? Seriously? I re-specified my order 3 times and still got something different than what I actually asked for. Ridiculous.
- The Mommy Wars. They’re done, guys. They were never even real tbh – I’m pretty sure they were made up by self help books and prozac to make us all feel worse about ourselves. Pro tip: We didn’t need any help.
- Ink jet printers. And all other technology that seems to be made by the devil for the sole purpose of driving me absolutely insane. Also? Being the only tech savvy person in the room? That is on time out, too.
- The questions: “Mom, what’s for dinner?” “Can I play minecraft?” “Can I watch tv?” and “any other statement that begins with “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.” Ya done.