10 Things I Don’t Love About Football

This week’s Writing Prompts for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop are:

1. 10 Things you love about football.
2. 10 Things you don’t love about football.
3. Write a blog post inspired by the word: fate
4. Something funny your child said.
5. You won an award at some point in your life…what was it for?
6. Coffee Talk! Share your first pumpkin spice latte of the season with us.
7. 10 reasons why you’re glad it’s Fall.

So I chose #2 but not without a small amount of reservation. See, I live in Wisconsin and Wisconsin takes its sports prettttty serious. I put on a good face about it and occasionally I’m like “Yeah! Packers! Awesome!” but mostly I’m just talking about a Packers Fan Music Parody like Fly Like a Cheesehead or faking it to fit in. Because the truth is, football is kinda boring guys (don’t slap me! I’ll be nice tomorrow!) and I’m not really interested in it.

Behold, my list of reasons why I don’t loooooooooove football:

  1. They stole their sports name which makes it confusing to talk to Europeans. Like more so than usual. I think they should have picked a different name instead of trying to convince Europeans to change theirs. That’s just rude. – edit – this has been debunked by the husband. Apparently around the time that American football was invented, football was a really generic term for any sport played with a ball and a foot. That’s also about the time that the Brits decided to specify the name of their sport to soccer. So, I guess you guys get a pass on this one.
  2. Their fans get a little too rowdy for my liking – I’m trying to enjoy a burger at my favorite restaurant and my seat is like literally shaking from all the cheers or jeers. Calm down guys. It’s just a game. If you are going to scream that loudly, do it in a rubber room.
  3. Concussions. It’s for real y’all.
  4. I deeply wish that our culture valued education, health care and other far more important careers the way it values sports and the media. I think football players (and players in other sports, too) make too much money and get too much attention – and that other professions could use that kind of support a lot more.
  5. I worry about these players who retire at like 35 years old and have no other life skills because in college they focused on their athletic abilities instead of their educational abilities (I know, I’m generalizing – stop making me be reasonable guys, it’s less funny that way). Or the ones who retire and get to spend the rest of their lives with health problems because of the ridiculous strain that the sport has put on their bodies.
  6. Okay, let’s talk about the actual sport for a minute. A bunch of guys run a few feet in one direction, tackle a dude, call a time out for like 5 minutes, then run in the other direction for a few seconds, tackle another dude and do it all over again. It’s nauseatingly mundane, in my opinion.
  7. It’s kind of annoying when fans get so amped up like they are actually involved somehow. Like take it down a notch, you didn’t throw that ball dude, you just watched a guy do it on tv. You’re contribution to the day is still just finishing off that plate of nachos and day drinking.
  8. When their game runs long because of time outs and commentary and the end result is that MY tv show is sacrificed or even worse it finally starts but it starts in the middle like I’ve somehow followed the plot of the show via osmosis or something. I’ll never get those ten-fifteen minutes of The Big Bang Theory back you guys!
  9. Time is way too wibbly wobbly in football. How long will it take? An hour? Four hours? Three and a half days? You have no idea. How am I supposed to plan my day when you are all noncommittal about the time frame? Just tell me what time it’s safe to call my friend and not get yelled at for interrupting the game.
  10. I don’t really have a tenth thing but I’ll make something up. I, um, really dislike football pants. That’s a lie – that’s basically the only good thing about football. Oh well, I tried.

Seriously, this is all in good fun. I’m sure that I’m fanatically obsessed with something that other people, football fans perhaps, find absolutely pointless and trivial. That’s okay – you do you, I’ll do me. Call me when the game is over.

So what say you? Football – yay or nae nae?

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