I wanna be real here for just a minute and actually talk about my day – no meme, no contests, no shameless self promotion – just some good old fashioned cathartic blogging about the fact that I feel like a harpie madwoman – like I can literally hear ghetto fabulous men in the back of my mind yelling, “Who let the [crazy angry woman with some reference to a female dog]’s out!!” And while part of me is thinking, “Stop being fresh, young man,” most of me is thinking, “Seriously, somebody sedate me before I inhale a sheet cake and start throwing knives.”

(gentlemen, you can feel free to avert your eyes here on out)

Okay, yes, that special visitor is here – can that make up for my inexcusable behavior of today? The boys are, admittedly a little psychotic today, but I’m sure I’m not helping their moods with constant yells of “Get off of that!” “Sit right!” “Eat your  sandwich or GO TO BED!” e. t. c. Like I am hearing myself in my mind and thinking, “chillax woman,” but. I. can’t. I can’t relax – I’m tired and grumpy and I’m nauseous – to the point where I ate one half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and couldn’t finish it I was so disgusted, but then yelled at the boys for not finishing their own sandwiches (but seriously, what’s their excuse? Did their aunt flo come today, too? I’m guessing NO!).

So to add to those shenanigans, I was not exactly feeling calm and rational all day while discovering nifty little things like:

• my husband’s car, which is worth in my mind, about $500, needs $800 in repairs in order to pass inspection. Seriously? I am holding onto the edge of my seat right now thinking, “If I lose the White Mountains to this, someone’s going down…”
• Good news! We miscalculated a few checks about to clear and one of our accounts was over drawn. What really angers me here is we had plenty of money in the bank, just not in the appropriate account. Seriously? WHY IS MONEY THIS COMPLICATED?? DO YOU THINK I DON’T WANT TO PAY MY BILLS? SERIOUSLY? JUST TRANSFER THE F’ING MONEY AND LEAVE ME ALONE…

Ahem, I mean. Yeah, I got a little testy with that one, and let dh deal with it rather than trying to risk doing math in my delicate condition. The thing that kills me is that we make plenty of money and history has proven we’ve always had enough money to pay our bills without breaking the bank – so why do I have a money related aneurysm at least once a month? I’m thinking Flo is to blame, because seriously – we have no debt people – our credit cards are always paid in full, we live within our means, and I’m married to a freaking engineer!! We’re good! So why the monthly cardiac arrest??

In short, I’m grumpy and the boys are napping early so I can grumble to myself in peace. With all that off my chest, we can go back to our regularly scheduled program of witty pondering of the daily lives of clever mothers like you and me, and anyone else who reads this. The ranting stops now (for today), because I’m getting sick of myself. Expect any other posts written today to be much, much cheerier in nature.