Breaking Dawn comes out in 1 hour and 15 minutes – why am I not at Borders right now with all the other Twilight fans, listening to heated debates over To Bite or Not to Bite? Well, if you must know, I went, I saw, I left within 15 minutes.

I love the Twilight series – I’m not ashamed to say that I, a wife, mother and avid reader, am a huge fan, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Breaking Dawn and the upcoming Twilight movie, and basically adore and admire Stephenie Meyer in a huge way. As a writer, she’s an inspiration to me. And I can tell you, if she’d been at my local Borders this evening she might have left, too.

Apart from some nasally woman sputtering over the loudspeaker, announcing that everyone should, “please come to the history section at this time for So I’m in Love With a Teenage Vampire Trivia,” you might not notice anything special was going on (No offense to Ms. Nasal, I’ve worked in a bookstore, I know those loud speakers suck, but at least entertain the idea of enthusiasm next time, kay?). Sure there were Twilight books out on display – a small table with women politely taking orders for copies of the book which will be available to buy in 1 hour and 11 minutes, and even a handful of Goth teens dressed up like vampires.

All this I expected – what I didn’t expect was for them to stick out like a sore thumb. As far as I could tell it was just closing time for the Friday night open mic night, and a lot of teenagers had accompanied their weary looking parents to the bookstore that night. I suddenly felt less like a huge Twilight fan and more like a weary looking parent – and my kid (thank goodness) wasn’t even there (Never mind that at 2 years old, it was way, way past his bedtime and that Twilight is hardly appropriate reading material for someone of his age).

And the Goth kids? Seriously, I get they are teenagers and they’re going through their little “phases” and that being a Twilight fan is like an all expense paid excuse to be a little weird, to defy the rules a bit and be more than normal – that’s cool. But Twilight, people? This series is like the anti-vampire cliche story. Take a look at the author, shall we? Is she donning way too much black mascara, ripped fish net stockings and vampire fangs? No she is not – she looks oh so respectable – a girl Bella Swan would be totally comfortable hanging out with – a girl Edward wouldn’t laugh his adorable little ass off at – a girl I’d be far more likely to be caught hanging out with then the silly little twits with their fangs and their fake blood stains. Proof?

That’s right – this is so important to me that I’m willing to post yet another photograph of myself on this blog to prove my point – I deliberated what to wear tonight – not wanting to look foolish but not wanting to look like someone’s mom – but then, just like a mom, I wondered, “Will it be hot with all those people or perhaps cool because they’ve cranked the AC? Better wear a sweater.” I wore black because it’s neutral and supposedly slimming, though you’d never guess looking at the above photo – long jeans instead of my normal capris to cover a little skin in case a vampire tried to bite my legs, I mean…

My point is – Bella Swan? She’s not Goth – in fact, I don’t think there are any Gothic people in the entire book – I’m not saying that Goths can’t read the books, I’m saying I don’t think they are the bread and butter of the Twilight fan base. The fan base, by the way? I think they must have been at another bookstore. Or else, maybe all the fans are like me, really more comfortable at home with a good book (like Breaking Dawn, which comes out in 1 hour and ONE minute) than out trying to “socialize” – in fact I’m now recalling one of the reasons I loved the books, is that Bella really is just like me in that regard – socialize? With PEOPLE? Why? She and I, we’re kinda like soul sisters – we get each other.

I mean, um… Gosh this post is getting embarrassing – here’s my point – I tried – I put on my big girl clothes and got in my car, cranked some Gwen Stefani to groove to for my short trip, drove out of my parking lot, made a u-turn at the next light, then turned right at the light after that (which is coincidentally right across the street from my apartment, but thanks to one way streets…) and pulled into the local Borders. I parked – things looked okay – I’d promised myself a line leading out the door would be an acceptable reason to keep driving – but there was no line, so I parked, got out of the car and went inside, already over 30 minutes late to the supposed “beginning” of the supposed “party.”

Saw one random goth guy standing near the entrance – wondered, is this a gay goth secretly in love with Edward himself, or just a typical teenage guy hoping to find some action in this young adult girls in love with Edward / Jacob crowd – the answer, I still do not know – but I am fairly confident he didn’t read the books – he’d have been bored silly spending that much time in Bella’s mind I think.

So I enter, skipping the booth to order my copy of the book – no need, I wasn’t even here to purchase tonight, just trying to have a life. Walked through the aisles, pretending to browse, but secretely scoping the scene, too chicken shit to ask what was going on where. As I wandered, I realized nobody seemed to know what was going on, there was no real signage apart from a table of Twilight books and those nice ladies at the ordering table, and that nasally woman on the loudspeaker begging people to play trivia games with her (No thanks, seriously).

I looked at travel guides, hoping to find a good one on New Hampshire and / or the White Mountains, found them sorely lacking; decided it was just as well as I was not spending money tonight. Which meant buying a drink was also out of the question. Saw nothing else going on at all and wondered why I was there – why hang around a bookstore where I can’t buy anything to wait to not buy a book but watch everyone except me get a copy? Really? So I left, dignity intact, still wondering to myself about the sexual preferences of the present male goths – seriously – they can’t possibly be legitimate fans. Perhaps just very dedicated boyfriends at a young age?

15 minutes or so after leaving my apartment, I returned from my trek across the street, to my comfort zone, where I can blog to all of you about me trying to have something passable as a life. I feel better now, having laughed with my husband about the whole experience and then now sharing it with you.

So, I’m not sad I left – but I am disappointed in Borders for putting such little effort into the event – for all their bragging online, there was really nothing going on – and if all the fans there really were like me, they also were trying to disappear into the bookshelves – we were going to need a little ambiance, a few diversions and some hand holding to draw us all out of our shells to socialize with one another. We needed more than Ms. Nasal at the very least, who didn’t even come out and show herself, but instead chose to hide behind her loud speaker, perhaps trying to hide like us. I guess maybe we’re all just real life Bella Swans trying to learn to be human, while wondering if it’s even worthwhile (at least, I am – I don’t know about you).

Did you go to a release party tonight? Are you a fan of the books? Did you pre-order or are you, like me, hoping to snag a copy in a week or two after the supposed mayhem dies down (if the turnout at our Borders was any indication I shouldn’t have much trouble getting one next weekend)?