At his first practice, Dan and I laughed at how scatter-brained he was. “Clearly he’s related to his parents.” Stories were remembered about Daniel picking dandelions in the grass during soccer games. It was cute. Neither of us are athletes so we weren’t necessarily expecting him to be good and we were told that a lot of kids really just don’t get it when first trying a sport.
But on the second week of practice I couldn’t help but notice that the coaches seemed to have written him off. Let him play in the grass, we’re moving on. I think I took it a little too personally. Dan tried to reason that they were in fact giving him just as much attention as the other kids but MM wasn’t really listening. They couldn’t exactly walk away from all the other kids who were paying attention to try and explain everything to our kid. But…
I don’t know. I don’t know what it is that I wanted. I know he’s young. I know he’s got the attention span of a gnat – trust me, I know. I deal with that attention span all day. And as his mother, I guess I’m better at dealing with it – at getting his attention and working with him. But it’s a one on one thing that the coaches just don’t have time for. It’s just t-ball. It was really only ever supposed to give him a taste of sports and a chance to play with some kids his age a bit more. But…
Yesterday seemed different. Yesterday he didn’t seem to be just sort of distracted, perfectly happy to build sandcastles in the dirt and pick flowers in the field. Yesterday he seemed…. done with it. Annoyed. Yesterday he uttered those words that just broke my heart, “T-ball is too hard.” He asked if we could play in the playground instead. And part of me wanted to say yes. Part of me just wanted him to have fun. But another part of me was paying for these lessons and knew that it was important that he keep trying – that he’d never get better if he didn’t slow down, pay attention and try to learn the game. So I told him no. Of course. I told him to get back in there and try harder, to listen and to play t-ball with everyone else.
He ran back in there, hoping someone would tell him what do to. The coach glanced at him briefly and said something, but mostly continued working with the other kids. MM still really has no idea how this all works. He doesn’t understand the practicing, the taking turns, the methods. They went too fast and he wasn’t paying enough attention and he’s young… And I’ll make excuses for him until the cows turn blue, you know? Because I’m his mother and I can’t help it. Point is, though, he has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing and the coaches don’t seem to have enough time to really explain it – and while part of me wants to walk out there on the field and butt in, the other part of me… thinks that’s a bad idea. That I’m supposed to let the coaches do their thing, even if that thing seems to be… nothing.
I’m supposed to let go. To occasionally let him fail. To work with him on the sidelines when I can but then let go again. When we first got to practice that day, before everyone else showed up, we walked all the bases together. I went around with him twice, trying to see if he actually knew which base was which. I don’t think he actually did. He seemed to pick it up though as we went through it and I also explained home base a bit and we had a good time and I thought, “This was a good thing. This will help him.”
But then the other kids showed up and practice started the game started and all of that seemed to fly out the window or didn’t matter anyway… I know he’s young. I know… his father picked dandelions in the grass during soccer practice. I know, I have virtually no athletic bone in my body, but still… it bugs. It bugs me when he asks to go home. When he ran onto the field in the middle of the game and asked who wanted to play hide in seek with him. I know, kind of cute, but still… really.
And of course through all of this, I also get a good heaping pile of mother guilt. How have I not explained team sports to him yet? Why don’t we practice at home (you know, in our 3rd floor apartment)? Shouldn’t I be doing something to alleviate that short attention span of his? Shouldn’t I be doing more… but also less?
Really I think what broke me yesterday was that he just stopped trying. At one point he just plopped himself down in the grass off field and waited… waited for it to be over already so we could go home. And he was cold and dirty and tired and sniffles started quickly and tempers got short. Maybe he has a cold. Maybe that’s all this was – I know I wouldn’t want to play baseball with a cold (never mind that I personally wouldn’t want to play baseball in perfect health…) and maybe next week he’ll feel better and try harder and …
At the very least, we still have another kid who may have inherited an athletic gene or two. Maybe she’ll like t-ball…
Mommablogsalot 
13 responses to “thoughts on t-ball so far…”
[…] strong picture, but I love the lighting and emotion of it. I like that you can see MM’s t-ball game going on in the background of the picture, I feel like it really tells a […]
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[…] guys are the best – and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your comments on my t-ball ventathon. It means a lot to me to hear your thoughts, your suggestions, your support. I hope you guys […]
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Jen, please don’t beat yourself up over this. Lose the guilt. He will do as he pleases and the best you can do is guide him and help him make choices and try new things. If he doesn’t like it, then so be it, it just isn’t his thing and he has the rest of his childhood and teens, in fact the rest of his life, to find his thing.
I would be a bit annoyed with the coaches for dismissing him, but I am a feisty mamma. We have all been there. My kids show no interest in the things I enjoy and I have given up trying to encourage them. I know they will find their thing eventually.
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Back when the Prince was 4 we started him in soccer. Then all of us parents watched (& yes, giggled) while the game was stopped on account of half of both teams finding a worm or a stick to dig in the mud w/. Yep, we all ran & tried to get the kids back into the game but every. stinking. game. @ least one of those kids (okay, it was pretty much always the Prince) was playing w/ something during the game & out on the field. He did score & run w/ the ball but… And the Princess played one season when she was 4 & then we moved on to ballet, gymnastics, horseback riding etc.
It does stink though that the coaches don’t appear to be trying harder. Don’t be too upset if soccer goes the same way. Don’t be upset if you have to give up something for awhile & then go back to it. The Prince did stick w/ soccer & now he’s a pretty damn good goalie. The Princess has just gotten back into soccer after a four yr absence & she is totally loving it. You & Dan are doing a fantastic job! And I have heard from other moms that t-ball is actually the hardest sport to start w/ in terms of keeping the kids interest.
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My son never really took to sports either. He did ok, but his heart wasn’t in it. It’s ok!
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@ Nancy : He’s done a few preschool-like classes at the Y – and we’ll likely do one or two more before he starts kindergarten. The t-ball class is also run by the Y actually. I honestly can’t justify the cost of a real preschool / daycare otherwise I’d have him in something so I’ve been supplementing when we can with the classes at the Y. I’m thinking an art class this spring hopefully.
We’re planning to do soccer next after t-ball for the second half of fall. I was a little worried after how t-ball was going and thinking about trying to cancel but after your comment, maybe I should give it a try – he might love it.
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I do agree he’s a bit young for team sports, they start them at 4 but I think a lot of kids aren’t ready that young. It sounds like he’s bored but the coaches aren’t really try to engage him. I don’t think it would hurt to pull a coach aside – or send a friendly email – and mention your concerns. Maybe they’ll have some suggestions on what you can do to help, either outside of practice or even during.
Also, would MM benefit from some kind of preschool program, even if it’s part time? So many kids are in daycare or preschool now that it can be hard for the ones who aren’t to figure out how to be socialized into that type of team environment. If anything it will also make the adjustment to kindergarten next year easier. Just at thought…
My final thought is baseball can be really really boring. Maybe something like soccer would be better to start with, where there are less rules and things to know. “Kick the ball in the goal” is a lot easier than “hit the ball, run to first base, where you might get out but you might have to run to second base….” not to mention the fielding aspect of it. I personally do think 4 is too young for T-ball, but of course that won’t stop me from enrolling Zach in the spring if he doesn’t miss the cutoff.
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He does seem a little young for team sports like that, right? Maybe you can find something he would enjoy more? Piano lessons? Art or music classes?
At the same time, it’s frustrating when your kid doesn’t get the same attention as all the other kids.
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oh, i forgot…
LOVE THE PICS!
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awwwwww, is there a gymboree near you?
i take broxton there and he loves it…
the running around… the other kids…
dont give up…
my little brother did t-ball, baseball.. all that, although i think he was older when he started…
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so….he’s not into t-ball….oh well. lots of kids don’t like t-ball. Maybe he’ll pick up baseball later in life, maybe not. Is there any way to get a refund on the rest of the ‘season’?
The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that team sports are more appropriate for children over the age of 6, while younger children might benefit from a sports class that focuses on skill development like karate or an individual sport, like gymnastics, dancing, or swimming (instead of playing on a team).
I think he’d love art classes – maybe pottery, or something less easy to DIY. See if he can try out a class or group for free first.
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I’ve been there and am still there. Some days my kids are all in the game/practice and other days, they’d rather just play. It’s so strange how competitive things are these days. It’s also hard to watch when it feels like all the other kids are “into” it. But trust me after watching so many seasons (for us it’s soccer), you cannot force a child to play. It’s hard to watch when the parents are the ones making their kids do something they don’t care to. You are doing the right thing by being patient with him. Be patient with the coaches (they are volunteers too) and it’s no small feat to wrangle a group of 4-5 year olds to pay attention. You’re exposing him to the sport and he’s getting a feel for it. Some kids jump right into it and some have to warm up. It does take time. Hugs!
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Don’t be so hard on yourself, momma! I know you’re taking this to heart, but really, maybe t-ball is just not for him. Everyone has different things that they enjoy and maybe playing with a ball and stick in an organized pattern just isn’t his thing. THAT is the true point of trying sports, to see if he can find something he really enjoys and if not, well…we just move onto the next thing. Growing up is about finding who you are, not creating it. MM is a bright little boy, the more he is exposed to different things, the more he will figure out what he likes to do — and trust me, with you guys as his parents, he’ll be headstrong enough to do what he likes!
As for the coaches and paying for lessons, I would go to admin and let them know you don’t feel it’s a good match for him and your concerns about their lack of initiating him into the game. Likely they will give you a credit for future classes in another sport. No biggie.
Take some time to look at MM, what does he REALLY enjoy doing? I know he is amazing at art…creativity…why not enroll him in crafting or painting classes? Kids are each their own precious little beings, they are who they are, and they’re perfect just that way. Besides, how BORING is it to live a life just like everyone else….without passion…better to do what he likes to do and do it with a happy heart!! You need to watch a netflix movie, “Breakfast with Scot”….it’s d/l-able. *hugs*
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