I’m married to a fantastic, caring husband with a stable job in the midst of a rocky economy that is still affecting people everywhere – in a state where thousands of people’s jobs are at risk (I know this is a really biased source, but I’m working on the netbook right now and frankly don’t have the energy to find a better source, but suffice it to say, I’m very anti-Walker). But for the moment, our finances are secure and we are lucky.
I am blessed with two adorable, intelligent healthy children in a world where kids go hungry, get sick or worse. I am blessed.
Thanks to our recent move to Wisconsin, we’ve been able to save more money than I would have once thought possible, putting us in the position to buy our first home in a state where house prices are nearly half of what we’d have paid in Massachusetts. Which makes our whole move here fortunate in more ways than we could have predicted. We have been very luck indeed.
I have a strong support network of family and friends in a world where many feel unloved, I know that I am cared about and needed and valued. I cherish these people and thank my lucky stars for them.
I have the ability to adapt to life’s changes and make the best of new situations. I can make new friends and find my way to being comfortable in a new home as often as I need to and for the most part appear resilient in this. I am open to change. I am optimistic that things will work out – I am amazed each time this happens at the fantastic new people I meet through these life changes. They are awesome.
But the truth is, even when I know that I am a lucky, blessed fortunate person with so much going for me and so much love surrounding me… I also feel lonely sometimes.
It’s lonely to watch the friends you’ve left behind continue their lives without you and for the most part, appear no worse from your absence. To see their pictures of fun times that you aren’t in now. Sure I make new friends and take new pictures, but making new friends – though possible – is hard.
It’s hard to leave behind the amazing friendships that are rock hard strong and built to last. To hope that you’ll find that again and that maybe some of the friendships you are starting will be that strong someday. To worry that the wrong word or thought or moment might potentially end that friendship and send you spiraling back to square one.
Sometimes I find myself over analyzing everything and feeling like a silly teenager worrying that her boyfriend might not love her when she wakes up tomorrow. And the thing is – those silly teenagers are not wrong to worry about it. Young love is fickle and ends often. But we pay the price and endure that drama because hopefully we come out of the race with a love that lasts. I did.
Which makes it all the more infuriating sometimes to deal with these ridiculous girly weepy whiny feelings again. I’ve got the love of my life and an amazing family – I’ve got great friends, though most of them are too far away to grab a cup of coffee with or invite over for a party. And some of these new friendships, heck they might last that test of time after all, in spite of my fears and neediness. But it suuuuuucks being stuck inside my head in the meantime, you know?
And sometimes I feel lonely. And sometimes I just want to visit my best friend and vent and complain and hear her say, “Oh my god, me too!” And then we’d eat junk food together and talk about nothing and everything at the same time in that special Friend Language that nobody else can understand.
Since I can’t do that, I thought I’d vent to you instead. Wanna eat junk food together and talk nonsense for awhile in the comments section?
Mommablogsalot 
10 responses to “Don't Get Me Wrong…”
Aw big hugs Jen xx I felt the same when I moved away. I found everything got better and I made lots of new friends when the girls started school. You all tend to be in the same boat and end up getting together. It will get easier and you have so much to look forward to with your new house.
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The really weird thing is that it doesn’t change no matter how old/young you are. I feel the same way. I’m grateful to fb for getting my old friends & I together easier but it’s not the same. I want to watch my friend’s kids grow up & compare notes. I want to laugh & cry w/ them. Of course I feel the same about my siblings & their families since we live so far from all of them too. Right now non of my irl friends here have kids anywhere near my kids ages. Kinda sucks but oh well, like you said, we have a good job, beautiful family, nice home, the cars are paid off (i’m soooo grateful for that one) & we are healthy & mostly, happy. *shrug* Meh, these feelings will pass in time.
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@ Jen : I think you are probably right about the teenager in us – they are that voice that says “I’m not happy” or “I feel insecure.” And I guess if we were never unhappy or insecure, our happiness wouldn’t feel quite so awesome.
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@ Jean : I seriously need to look for those at the store, I’ve never had them but thanks to you they are oh so intriguing!
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@ Nancy : Dan and I used to hold monthly game nights with all our friends – a long standing invitation to all our besties to come over once a month and hang out. There’s no need to do that anymore, no one really to invite. It’s weird.
I hope you guys find some friends to go out to dinner with soon!
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@ Amy : So glad to hear I’m not alone, though sad to hear about anyone being sad. If that makes any sense.
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Our situations are so similar I can totally say “oh my God, me too” and pass the ice cream. Just the other night Jon and I went out to dinner, while the kids were at parents night out, and once again lamented the fact that we don’t have friends to go to dinner with. Kinda sucks.
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I don’t think we ever lose that teenager in us. And I think that’s ok as long as those feelings don’t linger. We got through those years and hopefully these feelings are just quick moments. Perhaps they exist as a reminder to see all the blessings. I’ve definitely been there many times. Plus chocolate and/or ice cream help.
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Not to quote you or anything but…Oh my God, me too! Seriously. We’ve recently moved back to our home town where we are close to family and old friends again, but due to our absence some of those old friends have moved on. And while I am blessed with a loving, caring, adorable husband, sometimes that’s just not enough. To be constantly happy and content, I think, is a myth. We all go through times when the world looks gloomy even though nothing’s really wrong. I’m having a hard time letting go of the past, not worrying about the future, and simply living for today. I realize how lucky and blessed I am, but I still feel like something’s missing sometimes. So, I totally understand.
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Vent all you want girlfriend.It’s totally understandable to feel this way. I’ll pass you some cherry cordial kisses. 😉
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