It’s Real Now… When Did That Happen?

Has it seriously only been three days since we found out Dan got the job? Just three days? How is it possible that we’re leaving for Dream State in just 11 short days – ELEVEN – and that we’ll be arriving at our new apartment, our new home, in two weeks? Right now I’m feeling all overwhelmed, scared, excited, impatient, over and under burdened with things to do, reminiscent of all the things I love about here that I’m going to miss, filled with relief about all the things I will not miss… I’m a mess basically.

The good news, is that I’m almost a healthy mess. I am hoping tomorrow morning I will wake up and be cured of this… thing, this sore throat with general fatigue and not enough other symptoms to feel justified in whining, not that it’s stopped me from whining, but still. It’s not much fun celebrating in between coughing and then cringing in pain because oh my it hurts! Or the constant ringing of the telephone from friends and family who’ve just learned the good news, or my wonderful father who has been so much help in planning, but he worries and thinks at least as much as I do and thus calls me with each new idea. Which wouldn’t really bother me except… the sore throat. Luckily I’ve been able to get Dan to command some of those conversations and you know, as much as it hurts, I love that people are calling. I’m going to miss everyone a lot.

We hired a moving company and submitted a budgetary estimate to Dream Company (if they say, “Heck no that’s too much,”  that darling father of mine says he’ll loan us whatever is not being covered in the meantime. Love him!). We have been cleaning and de-cluttering and reserving hotel stays and mapping our route for the road trip out there. I’ve been bugging all you dear readers for your best moving tips and then sharing all of them with my husband. I’ve been scheduling posts for my blog and Mommas Review manically so that when things really pick up and I can’t sit down to write, things will still get put up. I’ve been sitting in this apartment, looking at the walls and the pictures, and the normalcy and trying to imagine and wrap my mind around the idea that in less than two weeks I won’t live here anymore. Un. Real.

The moving company is coming next Saturday morning to pack our things (one week!) and then loading the truck and leaving on Tuesday morning, with us following shortly behind them, planning to meet up on the other end that Friday (two weeks!). Next week will be more cleaning and running errands, getting our medical records and anything else I can think of, hoping and praying that I haven’t forgotten anything. I wish I knew my actual new address and that I could change my address now – but obviously we aren’t there yet so that doesn’t make sense and as they probably haven’t even gotten our deposit yet (it’s en route as we speak) we don’t have an official new mailing address. I can’t wait to see it though, to see those new letters and numbers that will make up my home. I can’t wait to discover what will be our new favorite grocery stores and pizza places and walking paths. I can’t wait to visit the nearest local libraries and enter the local Target like I belong there.

I’m nervous, too. Will we make new friends? We’re nice enough people but we’re also home bodies. Will Dan become friends with his coworkers? Will we make friends with our neighbors even though we never made friends with any of the neighbors here in the two years we’ve lived in this apartment? Will I join a local playgroup or make friends with fellow preschool moms? Are the preschools nice? How much do they cost? I really wish their websites listed stuff like that. Details, people – they are important. I hope we make new friends. And keep the old, silver and gold and all. I hope that I like my new doctor, whoever they will be and that BB’s delivery goes as smoothly as possible. That whole thing is still kind of way off in my mind. That’s July – I’m still trying to get through May. The idea that in less than three months I’ll be a mother of two in a strange new place… yeah we’ll deal with that when we get there.

Did I mention the kids are going to share a room (once BB is sleeping through the night anyway) and that the third bedroom in our new place is going to be a play room? I’m super excited about that. I hope it all works as magically perfectly well as it does in my mind right now. I know he’ll probably still make a mess of the apartment, but the idea that at some point all the stuff will be in another room with a door I can shut? That’s awesome. Anyway, I’m drinking some decaf and trying to amuse myself and be productive but keep my mind off things until Dan’s done watching the new Bond movie with his guy friend. I think it’s nice that he had a friend over now while we’re still here. I’m also tired. And might go to bed before he leaves, cause I’m super exciting like that. But not until the decaf is gone…

The Post That Isn’t The Post

Still nothing. I’ll just get that out there right away since I’m sure many of my regular readers were hoping this would be The Post. I know I was hoping this would be The Post. I have been kind of avoidy lately – not wanting to answer the phone just to say, “No, nothing yet.” Not wanting to write another post about how we still haven’t heard anything. I keep hoping, if I just wait another hour or two, I’ll have something way better to write about than what I have to say now. Which is pretty much – we’re getting really impatient and grumpy and to top matters off, I have a soar throat, which is making me doubly grumpy. I’m hardly hungry at all, which is weird for a hungry pregnant woman. So far today I’ve had a small cup of yogurt, some ramen noodles, two cups of tea and a cup of coffee. And water. Formerly delicious, now mostly just a welcome relief to my thirst, water. I’m tired of being grumpy. I’m tired of my throat hurting. I’m tired of this gigantic belly that I can hardly complain about because “I haven’t gained any weight at all,” but I still feel like I’m trapped in someone else’s way less healthy, hugely pregnant body. I have no energy, I’m losing my good humor and I kind of just want to go back to bed. Except I don’t want to miss the moment when he finds out, because good lord it’s gotta happen soon. They wouldn’t actually make us wait a full two weeks would they??

I really want it to be Saturday, because by Saturday we’ll have found out one way or another, hopefully several days before then – and more importantly we have lots of plans this weekend with family that I’m looking forward to. Like breakfast at a restaurant my MIL has been recommending to me for like two years or something, my brother in law’s Eagle Scout ceremony, and Mother’s Day weekend. I can already tell you pretty plainly that I expect to get nothing for Mother’s Day (except that aforementioned breakfast out to eat) and I don’t really care. Our savings is dwindling away and knowing whether we’ll be employed again is present enough for me right now. I’d be a little furious if he bought a card and I doubt he’ll hand make one, although you never know. And MM? He’s only three so he certainly won’t be coming up with something on his own. Still, it’s a holiday and I am looking forward to it. Or at least the BBQ we’re going to that day at the in laws – and church that day looks like it will be a good one, according to the newsletter.

I am bummed about leaving this church if and when we move. I really like – I like the people, I love the stimulating information we seem to get each week, the discussion fodder it provides my husband and I – plus there is not much cuter than hearing your preschooler say, “I wanna go to church,” even when I know he’s only talking about all the toys in their nursery. It’s still nice to hear. I hope that the UU churches in the area are nice. I’ve looked at their websites but it’s kind of hard to get a feel for them that way. Will they be as nice as this one? Better? Or nothing like it. It saddens me that we’ve finally found a church we love and now we’re moving. And now when we go to church I kind of just feel like I’m going through the motions because it doesn’t really belong to me anymore. I know that’s not really true, but it’s how I feel. It’s how I feel about a lot of things. This isn’t really my apartment, it’s just the place I’m sleeping in, where all my stuff is, where I wait for an email from Dream Company. This isn’t really my library – it’s just building with books that I’m not sure I want to check out because I don’t know if I’ll have time to finish reading them before we move, if we move.

God help me if we don’t move – as much as it would make some things – like the birth of our second child – a little bit easier and our family would be kind of thrilled in spite of themselves. But we’ve already mentally said goodbye to this place. We’ve made tentative plans, googled preschools and grocery stores and UU churches. We’ve planned a google map complete with preferred hotels because we’re leaning towards driving to Dream State instead of flying so I don’t have to deal with another airport so soon – and so we can pretend we’re on vacation since we surely won’t be able to afford a real one. We’ve looked into the prices of moving companies and boxes, the apartment we want to live in, whose website is permanently open in a tab in my Firefox browser. We’ve looked into the area hospitals, the health insurance options, the OBGYNs in the area and which clinics I’d rather go to for prenatal appointments. I know where the closest pizza restaurants are. I’m ready. And tired of waiting.

Alright, hubby is mandating a family walk (in the cold, wet weather) to try and get some fresh air and improve all our moods. Because we’re all feeling about as pent up and annoyed as me – and I wouldn’t doubt if he’s feeling worse (minus the sore throat) what with this being his career on the line and all. Maybe we’ll come back to an answer?