Thursday 13: Strangest Search Terms

I’ve seen a couple of people do this for a T13 or just a random fun blog post. I’ve held off on doing it until I felt I had some truly strange search terms come up. I don’t know that these are really the strangest ever, but I am absolutely stumped on what to blog about today, and guessing you are all bored sick hearing about my upcoming vacation, so I’ve decided to take pity on your poor souls and this will just have to do for today, mmkay?

So here are the 13 strangest or most interesting search terms people have used to find my blog – or at least the weirdest ones they’ve used AND THEN found my blog – I’m guessing they weren’t looking specifically for me anyway. Ready?

  1. the thing (5 times): Seriously, first it begs to be questioned, what they were hoping to find when searching for “the thing” and why they then chose my blog from those results? I can tell you, my blog is not on the first page of results for that search (not that I looked, okay yes I did, but still) and I honestly can’t imagine what post they’d be thinking about – obviously it was that one post about that one thing…
  2. what it means to be a woman (4): To be fair, I actually wrote a blog post with this title. But I’m still curious, were they looking for me, or did they not know? Four times?
  3. good looking (4): Should I just say thank you? Or do I just blog about attractive people a lot? Like John Mayer and McMommy – that’s who they really wanted, right?
  4. “bandana to bed” (3): I got nothing, but three people found me that way so it must be an interesting topic for all those searchers out there – do you think they wanted pictures or instructions on how to do it? Or just confirmation that it’s okay? It’s okay. But it’s spelled bandanna according to my spell check. Just so you know.
  5. jessica simpson hair cut (3): This almost lowers the quality of my blog, but I know this was just a strange jumble of words from my post about John Mayer’s love life, so I guess it’s okay.
  6. i will never be the woman with the perfect hair (10): I know this was in reference to Sex and the City, which I reviewed, but it amazes me how many people have found me with that quote or some semblence of it… “I will never be the woman who can wear white…” and “I will never be the woman with the perfect…”
  7. what to do when your baby is coming home (3): I’m just sad because I’m certain I never answered such a question. I hope those three poor new parents found what they were looking for and were ready when those babies did come home – because eventually they do.
  8. meredith grey’s death photos at dock (3): This just seems morbid if you don’t know the surrounding circumstances. And I’ve never blogged about this specifically, despite my obvious obsession with the show.
  9. pregnant tv (3): Pregnant people have their own tv stations? Really? What channel? What time? Do they give birth right on the air (I know TLC does it)? Are all the commercials for bon bons and pickles?
  10. snarky comments (3): My husband would laugh so hard at this (and might if he reads this or I read it out loud to him… it happens). Apparently he just learned last weekend that I have snarky comments – or perhaps I should be honest and admit to having about 9,000 of them in a one hour time period. It was a wedding though, to be fair.
  11. description of a housewife for blogs (2): My blog should totally have a housewife. You know, other than me. One who cleans. Preferrably.
  12. where do you find a good and loving woma (2): Not here, that’s for sure.
  13. most beautiful pregnant person (2) (as well as several other searches for pregnant beautiful and beautiful pregnant… and pregnant): I must like really want another baby or something, because my blog sure does lend to a lot of pregnancy related search terms. What with all that absolute lack of pregnancy in my actual life. Maybe it’s just that I am meant to write about pregnancy – and thus should get pregnant myself, simply to please the fans? Give them what they want? It’s all for them, though. Not me. I could care less…

So yeah, you know, for more Thursday 13 fun, head over here. And tell em Jen sent you, so they can be all, “Jen who?” and then you can be like, “the non pregnant and beautiful one,” and they’ll be like, “Oh yeah – momma blogs a lot – what’s up with her man?” And I’ll be all like, “Shut up. I don’t care, because I’m going on vacation tomorrow! Oh yeah!!! That’s right.”

When Cleaning Sprees Go Crazy

What is it about visits from in-laws that send normally sane women into cleaning frenzies? Last minute frantic scrubbing in the bathroom to eliminate any sign that someone may have recently used the bathroom. Vacuuming the kitchen of any recent crumbs – going above and beyond the every day call of duty so that nobody can suspect that one might actually live there.

I assure you, I don’t put in this much effort before my father visits – and I love him a lot – and sure, there is the fact that my dad might not notice as much as my germaphobic mother in law would – but it still seems silly. I’ve just in the last hour repeated all the same chores I just did on Wednesday, even though they normally wouldn’t be done again for an entire week. I even put real clothes on, because nobody should know that I live in my pajamas most days.

I know this is probably normal, but it still struck me as mildly ridiculous as I did it.