I know, I know another meme – but this meme is one of my favorites – totally different from all the other memes, right? RIGHT? Yeah, well deal with it, cause I’m taking a break from Polyvore and Packrat just to deliver you another stellar edition of Thursday 13 – it should be deliriously delicious, so dig in and devour yourselves some down right delightful definitions of me!

1. Dork: Yeah let’s just get that out of the way right now – I am a dork – self certified – I like homework, read for fun, knew HTML before it was trendy to do so, and find engineers and computer science majors a more enticing description than football players and drummers – lucky for my husband, huh? So yeah, suffice it to say, my son has one dorky momma who can’t wait for him to go to school so she can live vicariously through HIS homework. Poor kid.

2. Dessert: While being my favorite meal, I’ve always been terribly grown up-ish and won’t eat it if I haven’t had my dinner (despite my father’s well meaning efforts to spoil me silly) – but I often feel justified in eating dessert EVERY night, hence my waist line. I love baking, and love eating my baked goods. It’s dangerous.

3. Dinner: Speaking of dinner, I’m kind of becoming a house wife failure – I think my husband makes dinner more than I do – after a long day at work, lately he comes home to find me too tired to whip something up and it KILLS me – it’s wrong! Why doesn’t it bother him? What am I doing all day that makes me so tired?? The truth is, it’s the post nap whirl wind that my son forces me to endure every night that really wipes me out – up until then, I’m usually feeling good, getting ready – then in like 30 minutes flat, I’m lying on my back, half comatose, begging for a cocktail.

4. Dentist: I am terrified of the dentist, but it’s not so much a lurking fear of drills and evil, so much as a down right loathing of the entire profession – I know that’s mean to say, but if you had my dental history, I think you’d understand. Admittedly, I’m terrible about dental hygiene, but now going to the dentist once, is so likely to mean going again 10 times in one summer, that I’m scared silly, locked in a closet, begging to avoid it – the dental bills! The nauseating smell of drilling and Novocaine and pain! My last dentist seriously was inept at giving enough pain killers and I’d somehow be numb in the wrong places, and feeling the pain in the worst places. It was awful. I’ve had to have major dental work done because of the mistakes of other dentists – it’s just a long, ugly, story – and now just reading about the dentist, I can taste and smell it and feel it and ugh. It’s not pretty.

5. Doctors: Doctors however do not bother me – waiting in doctor’s offices with a two year old isn’t my cup of tea, so I put it off too much, but it’s more an issue of inconvenience than anything. Now my OBGYN for MM’s delivery, she was not my favorite person and that hospital in general has permanent black mark in their file as far as I’m concerned but that’s another story entirely.

6. Diapers: So for my next kid I’m thinking of going the cloth diaper route – I’ve been slowly greening myself up and the more I think about it the more I hate the whole thing. The sad thing is the apartment we’re currently living in is really perfect for cloth diapers, I can so see it all working well – we even have a set tub in our laundry room! Lord only knows if we’ll be here when we have kiddo #2 and if not, what kind of place we’ll be in, but I’m really going to try! I’d convert MM now if I weren’t planning to begin potty training any hot second now. In the meantime, I research cloth diapering almost as obsessively as I do baby wraps and slings (and dream vacations and private schools).

7. DP Dough: Has anyone else heard of them? Are they still in business – every location I know of has gone bankrupt, but man they made the most delicious calzones ever – at least in my “Taco Bell is good eating” opinion. I miss them like crazy all the time, and if any of you live near a still open location and want to mail me a chicken bacon and ranch dressing calzone, I will love you forever, but probably throw it out knowing the mail service…. ::sigh::

8. Dancing: Suffice it to say, I dance like a white girl. A trashy white girl – because there’s only one dance I ever really learned and I stick with it, even knowing it’s terrible. I’d love to take professional dance lessons but would prefer to go with dh who refuses – he doesn’t dance way more than I don’t dance – as I simply don’t dance well. He just doesn’t participate.

9. Dictionaries: I own a few, and put use to online ones on occasion, but probably not as often as you’d expect of an English major – another thing you probably wouldn’t expect? I have a barely existent understand of grammar – it’s pretty terrible. I actually dislike grammar quite a bit, which is kind of unfair, given that it seems to come naturally to me. I do like editing – but I’m not very good at explaining myself when necessary, because I never actually “learned” the basics, or the complex stuff for that matter, I just go with my “gut feelings.” I know, I should be ashamed – here take my diploma, I clearly don’t need it.

10. Diary: I have tried the diary thing in the past – you know the one made of paper – but I’ve always been horrible about follow through and they quickly resembled most of my attempts at writing a novel – I’d write one or two paragraphs  or entries and then suddenly it was abandoned and covered in dust for all eternity – and by the time I wanted to write in a diary again, the old one felt cliched and so not me anymore, so I’d buy a brand new one, or rip out the old pages so I wouldn’t be associated with them anymore. Which I regret now – I should have stuck with it – I’ve done a bit better with online journals, but only a bit.

11. Daddy: My dad is pretty much the most important person in my life – at least before my husband and son came along, he was, and he’s still pretty high up there – I complain about him a lot, and did my fair share of teenage eye rolls, but since my mother left when I was a wee little one, it’s been me and him – struggling through the years. We’ve been best friends, war survivors together. We’ve seen others come and go, but we’ve always stuck by each other, you know? I am the epitome of a daddy’s girl and worry my children will be also even though I’ll be there – I’ve never really understood the whole “mother” thing, having no clear example around growing up. So it’s always strange when it comes naturally to me, despite having no instruction manual lying around. Anyway, yeah, my dad – he rocks. He’s pretty much the greatest man who ever lived, if also the silliest, strangest and totally like no other. He has a mullet – and I couldn’t picture him any other way.

12. Divorce: I’ve seen a lot of divorce in my life and it’s something I struggle with – what if this isn’t it? What does the future store and what could that mean for my children? But the truth is, I really don’t believe in divorce, and I know that sounds terribly naive but I don’t think it’s for me. I love my husband and have little interest in a life without him, despite our faults – he completes me, and I don’t want to be incomplete ever again. And that’s a pretty big gamble to make in this day and age.

13. Day dreaming: I do a bit of it – every time I read a book, watch a tv show, see a movie, I envision a new life – where I am a forensic anthropologist ninja pirate treasure hunter vampire slayer pig girl. It gets confusing after awhile.