The Post That Isn’t The Post

Still nothing. I’ll just get that out there right away since I’m sure many of my regular readers were hoping this would be The Post. I know I was hoping this would be The Post. I have been kind of avoidy lately – not wanting to answer the phone just to say, “No, nothing yet.” Not wanting to write another post about how we still haven’t heard anything. I keep hoping, if I just wait another hour or two, I’ll have something way better to write about than what I have to say now. Which is pretty much – we’re getting really impatient and grumpy and to top matters off, I have a soar throat, which is making me doubly grumpy. I’m hardly hungry at all, which is weird for a hungry pregnant woman. So far today I’ve had a small cup of yogurt, some ramen noodles, two cups of tea and a cup of coffee. And water. Formerly delicious, now mostly just a welcome relief to my thirst, water. I’m tired of being grumpy. I’m tired of my throat hurting. I’m tired of this gigantic belly that I can hardly complain about because “I haven’t gained any weight at all,” but I still feel like I’m trapped in someone else’s way less healthy, hugely pregnant body. I have no energy, I’m losing my good humor and I kind of just want to go back to bed. Except I don’t want to miss the moment when he finds out, because good lord it’s gotta happen soon. They wouldn’t actually make us wait a full two weeks would they??

I really want it to be Saturday, because by Saturday we’ll have found out one way or another, hopefully several days before then – and more importantly we have lots of plans this weekend with family that I’m looking forward to. Like breakfast at a restaurant my MIL has been recommending to me for like two years or something, my brother in law’s Eagle Scout ceremony, and Mother’s Day weekend. I can already tell you pretty plainly that I expect to get nothing for Mother’s Day (except that aforementioned breakfast out to eat) and I don’t really care. Our savings is dwindling away and knowing whether we’ll be employed again is present enough for me right now. I’d be a little furious if he bought a card and I doubt he’ll hand make one, although you never know. And MM? He’s only three so he certainly won’t be coming up with something on his own. Still, it’s a holiday and I am looking forward to it. Or at least the BBQ we’re going to that day at the in laws – and church that day looks like it will be a good one, according to the newsletter.

I am bummed about leaving this church if and when we move. I really like – I like the people, I love the stimulating information we seem to get each week, the discussion fodder it provides my husband and I – plus there is not much cuter than hearing your preschooler say, “I wanna go to church,” even when I know he’s only talking about all the toys in their nursery. It’s still nice to hear. I hope that the UU churches in the area are nice. I’ve looked at their websites but it’s kind of hard to get a feel for them that way. Will they be as nice as this one? Better? Or nothing like it. It saddens me that we’ve finally found a church we love and now we’re moving. And now when we go to church I kind of just feel like I’m going through the motions because it doesn’t really belong to me anymore. I know that’s not really true, but it’s how I feel. It’s how I feel about a lot of things. This isn’t really my apartment, it’s just the place I’m sleeping in, where all my stuff is, where I wait for an email from Dream Company. This isn’t really my library – it’s just building with books that I’m not sure I want to check out because I don’t know if I’ll have time to finish reading them before we move, if we move.

God help me if we don’t move – as much as it would make some things – like the birth of our second child – a little bit easier and our family would be kind of thrilled in spite of themselves. But we’ve already mentally said goodbye to this place. We’ve made tentative plans, googled preschools and grocery stores and UU churches. We’ve planned a google map complete with preferred hotels because we’re leaning towards driving to Dream State instead of flying so I don’t have to deal with another airport so soon – and so we can pretend we’re on vacation since we surely won’t be able to afford a real one. We’ve looked into the prices of moving companies and boxes, the apartment we want to live in, whose website is permanently open in a tab in my Firefox browser. We’ve looked into the area hospitals, the health insurance options, the OBGYNs in the area and which clinics I’d rather go to for prenatal appointments. I know where the closest pizza restaurants are. I’m ready. And tired of waiting.

Alright, hubby is mandating a family walk (in the cold, wet weather) to try and get some fresh air and improve all our moods. Because we’re all feeling about as pent up and annoyed as me – and I wouldn’t doubt if he’s feeling worse (minus the sore throat) what with this being his career on the line and all. Maybe we’ll come back to an answer?

I Didn’t Die

I know you were probably all about to call and have me listed as a Missing Person – since when do I go three weekdays without posting, right? So Monday night MM had the stomach bug, which lingered around until Wednesday night. For awhile Wednesday morning we thought he had Fifths Disease, but I’m pretty sure he was just dehydrated and a little wind blown from our trip to the doctor that morning. We went because MM woke up a complete zombie. He wouldn’t eat or drink or even talk. Just sat at the kitchen table like a lump and didn’t move for over an hour. Cause for concern, no? The doctor saw that his cheeks were flushed and that his arms and legs were pinker than his body which he thought was abnormal for the winter. But it never developed into a real Fifths Disease rash and by that night he was ALL BETTER.

But before you clap and cheer and say hurray, not an hour after he miraculously became a normal two year old boy, I got the pukes. I’m pregnant so at first I thought it might just be morning sickness, even though I haven’t had morning sickness in over a week probably – and I’ve never had it at night. Then I thought, “Well it could be stress induced – I’ve certainly had my fair share of stress the past couple of days, mixed with barely sleeping. But it only took a couple of hours of constant puking to confirm the worst – I’d caught the bug. My husband came home from work as quickly as he could, and tried to by sympathetic. But at 10pm he came down with it, too. Seriously. And let me tell you – I feel for poor MM because this bug knocked both dh and I off our feet – we were wrecked. I’ve never had anything this bad – it was awful. 36 hours at least of pure awful. The zombie thing? I totally get it now.

So I woke up this morning feeling remarkable all things considered but HUNGRY. And I’m not sure how strong my stomach is so I’ve just been scarfing down toast and tea (breakfast of nauseous pregnant mother champions) like my life depends on it (and after not eating for over 24 hours, it pretty much does). And I thought I’d post now and let you know I’m still here and although not feeling my best, I’m okay. I’m hoping by tomorrow I’ll be completely mended, but I am cancelling all my Saturday plans because I’m worried I might still be contagious or that that much activity might do me in. So no book club. No fun double dates. Just rest and missing out. And probably grocery shopping, because despite not eating for 2 days, we do need food.

If This Post Ends FSGGFDGHHHHHHHHH I Fell Asleep At The Keyboard

Last night was less than fun. Don’t get me wrong – it was pretty awesome having a big slice of chocolate rum cake and watching The Bachelor (while making fun of it and pretending I don’t watch The Bachelor). It was also fun reading Julie Andrew’s memoir Home which I am about 2/3 through now. But all that fun was overshadowed when my poor little boy woke up at 10:30pm and puked like everywhere. And then continued to do that every 15 minutes until 3am or so. And then again at 3:45 and one last time at 5am. The poor kid had no idea why he was throwing up, what it WAS and why he couldn’t just not do it and go to sleep. So every time I heard the beginnings of it (a sound now permanently ingrained in my memory) I had to lug him out of bed and run to the bathroom because his personal plan was to ignore it and hope it just went away. Which it did – all over his sheets, his little pull-out futon and the carpet numerous times.

First I tried sleeping on the floor in his bedroom next to him. I went and grabbed my pillow and a small blanket after the first two hours, deciding I would not be sleeping in my own room because he was not going to stop puking any time soon and if I wasn’t there he’d just puke all over himself in his bed. An hour after that I grabbed his futon thing (about 3 feet long maybe) and pretended it was a bed – figuring at least my back could have a mattress. This proved remarkably uncomfortable. After doing that for several hours, he decided he wasn’t really very tired anymore and that falling asleep wasn’t worth it because he always ended up waking up and puking and making himself upset again.

So we moved to the living room at about 2:30am and I let HIM sleep on the futon and I tried sleeping on the couch. We got up to puke twice, but he kept busy watching Shaun The Sheep on repeat and I managed to fall half asleep on the couch a couple of times. At 3:45 he fell asleep for an hour. And it was blissful and I thought we were done. But at 5am he woke up and puked instantly, no warning time to run to the bathroom. The futon was out of commission. And he was MAD. Like, “how dare I puke,” mad. He watched me clean up the mess then marched back to his bedroom and fell asleep in his own bed (with new clean sheets). I was a bit disappointed that I’d lost my couch and didn’t bother with the puke covered futon either. The floor it was. But after about 45 minutes of that I was like, “Dh has to be at work in like 2 1/2 hours and I haven’t ACTUALLY gone to sleep yet. This isn’t going to work. I decided he’d slept enough and told him it was time to switch. He wonderfully agreed and I passed out cold in my never so comfortable bed. And MM slept soundly until 8am like it had never happened at all.

So I went to sleep last night at about 6am after begging dh to get up with him for the last couple hours. We both woke up at 8am – me thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me,” and MM announcing that he was essentially ALL BETTER and READY TO PLAY. Seriously. And he’s seriously all better. I’m glad because I think I’m too tired to deal with the pukes all day, too. But I’m also baffled. Like wtf yo. I know The Bachelor is like serious trash television but it’s nothing to puke over, am I right?

So for the first time since MM was like an infant, I staid up all night with him, reading him bed time stories over and over, trying to find ways to read them LONGER hoping he’d fall asleep; passing out with one eye open and both ears glued to the sound of his breathing in case it took a turn for the worst pukes. I guess I could consider last night a crash course refresher for when BB comes this summer and sleeping through the night as I know it ends for what will feel like eternity?

So yeah. That’s my story. Dont’ be shocked if I’m scarce today. Or if I fall asleep at the keyboard while typing this.