I don’t think I understood what love was before him – what it truly meant and how powerful the emotion really was. It can be all consuming and blow you over like a leaf in the wind – but it can also just wash over you like a cool breeze, making all the crazy around you okay again. And this love – it doesn’t just go away. Even when they drive you bat shit crazy all day, whining and nagging as preschoolers seem wont to do – there are still these moments, always these moments that just erase the rest of it. It doesn’t matter because there is LOVE and it’s always there. I feel the same way about my husband, but romantic love is more complicated and harder to be sure of – it’s tough stuff and it’s just as rewarding but totally different, you know? This mother love just is – there is no doubt or learning curve – it just exists one day and you know it isn’t going anywhere. I still find it amazing that in two weeks I will be opening my heart to even more of this awesome stuff. It’s unreal.
…love thursday is the brain child of chookooloonks – read it, love it, read the comments to love some more…
This week’s Booking Through Thursday was an idea from The Toddled Dredge (via K for Kat). Here’s what she said:
So here today I present to you an Unread Books Challenge. Give me the list or take a picture of all the books you have stacked on your bedside table, hidden under the bed or standing in your shelf – the books you have not read, but keep meaning to. The books that begin to weigh on your mind. The books that make you cover your ears in conversation and say, ‘No! Don’t give me another book to read! I can’t finish the ones I have!’
When we moved into this apartment I decided to organize my books by two main categories – read and unread. I wanted to be able to really know how many books I had to read and how many read books I was holding on to, that maybe could go to the library. There are a few books on my “Read” bookshelf that I haven’t read, mostly some nonfiction books that are really more “browsing books” than things I intend to read all the way through – so I am sparing my “Unread” bookshelf the strain of their extra weight. The books in question are…
And then there’s the dreaded “Unread” shelf…
But WAIT – there’s MORE…
The sad thing is, I donated a TON of books before we moved – like it would make your head spin how much I got rid of – this is the “modest collection” of what was left. The worst part? I have a wish list on goodreads.com that contains, seriously, 466 books – and it’s growing longer every day. I think I need help.

In less than two weeks we are going to be a family of four – THAT is just surreal to me right now. Per usual I am this quaint little mixture of impatient and scared shitless. On the one hand, wouldn’t it be wonderful to not be pregnant anymore and get a cute cuddly newborn? On the other hand, won’t it be awful to have basically no sleep for the next four months and god help me if this child doesn’t nurse well. Remembering all the little difficulties with MM and trying to remind myself that I got through it, but also remembering that we had a LOT of help. Thank god my grandmother is coming up for two weeks.
Anyway, two weeks from this past Tuesday people – it’s all happening, ready or not. People Magazine’s little pregnancy calendar (which I just stumbled across like yesterday) is officially regarding Baby Blueberry as a baby now and not a fetus – no quaint little statistics about her growth, like I would have seen last week or any week prior. – So far as they are concerned, this kid is ready to go. Instead they quite eagerly want to talk about safety – what baby proofing have I not gotten to yet? For the most part I think our apartment is pretty well locked down as we still have it all kinds of “proofed” where MM is concerned but I know our baby gates will be coming back out soon and a few more cabinets will get locked at some point.
One area of concern for both BB and MM is the bedroom and playroom windows. We keep them open at least a crack to let air in, wider when we want to run the fan. And it doesn’t escape my notice that we live on the third floor. I don’t think MM is tall enough to fall over from the floor, as he can just barely see over it… but he is a monkey and he climbs… And I get nervous. I’ve been looking at this window guard and wondering if I should get one (or two) … or would this or this be sufficient? I can’t help but look at the cost, and then I get that mommy guilt, like “You can’t put a price on your child’s safety” and then I think, “This is why I’m a marketing company’s dream. I’m easily duped…” And then I think, “Or am I?” Any thoughts? At some point I’ll mention this to Dan who I’m pretty sure almost never reads my blog anymore (I must be really boring) but then I feel guilty for saying, “So I was thinking of spending more of your money” since we are also in the talks about maybe cloth diapering (god the up front cost is so expensive and the choices are still kind of overwhelming me) and we’re also looking at these fancy nursing pads that are also kind of expensive but maybe genius? I’m so sick of spending money, I know babies cost money, but at some point I’d like to start saving again and we still haven’t gotten reimbursed for our moving costs which we will then have to hand over to my father who was kind enough to foot the bill temporarily.
Enough about money though, let’s see what babycenter.com has to say about BB – will they also consider this cookie cooked or will we get some statistics? Maybe a fancy fruit or vegetable we’ve never heard of to compare the size to?
Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she’s over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you’ll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.
Wondering what color your baby’s eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she’s born with brown eyes, they’ll likely stay brown. If she’s born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she’s 9 months old. That’s because a child’s irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she’s born, but they usually won’t get “lighter” or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)
Another tidbit from Parents that I figured was worth the copy and paste is in regards to overnight bags:
When the nesting urge hits, it’s a good time to pack your overnight bag for the hospital or birthing center. Avoid the temptation to pack too much, since your partner will probably be hauling it from the labor room to the postdelivery area to your recovery room. Family and friends can bring your nursing bras, favorite bathrobe, baby’s (and your) “going home” outfit, and anything else you may have forgotten. You may even want to pack one bag for labor and a second one with items you won’t need until afterward. (Leave it by the front door so someone can bring it later.) Labor bag essentials include:
- A copy of your birth plan
- Insurance cards
- Heavy socks (feet get cold during labor) and slippers
- Music, if you plan to have any during the birth–one mom we know labored to the sound of Bob Dylan, while another chose Handel’s Water Music
- Hair ties or barrettes if your hair tends to fall into your face
- Books or magazines
- At least $20 for your partner to use for snacks
- Phone card/phone list
- Toothbrush, toothpaste, and breath mints–labor gives you dragon breath!
- A camera or (if you’re really sure you want it) camcorder
I think that’s everything for this week worth mentioning (unless you really want to hear more about the constant back pains and lack of sleep some more… no? Didn’t think so). I’ll check in once more for week 39 and then these little Bump reports will be officially retired as we’ll have a cute cuddly baby to obsess over instead! Have a great day!
I love the picture I posted in my Wordless Wednesday this week – the expression on MM’s face takes my breath away and I think the colors came out beautifully (then the sepia and black and white versions added their own charms), but there is one thing I don’t love about it and I haven’t mentioned it yet to anyone except my husband – I think it’s time to get this off my chest so we can all collectively yell a hearty WTF together because seriously. First things first, the picture again:
Tear your eyes away from my adorable son for a moment and look where he’s standing. That’s not just a big old pile of random rust there. If you look closely (or maybe it’s immediately obvious to you way smarter parents out there reading this) that’s fire damage. The slide behind him literallly melted from the heat of the flames and you can see the color difference between the pole in front of MM and the pole behind him. Someone, it would appear, had a bonfire on the apartment’s playground – right where my son is now standing. It took me way too long to figure this out before whisking him off the damn thing.
I mean, seriously? WTF? First there are the random preschoolers wandering around the apartment complex and playground alone and unsupervised, free to set their worst examples for my impressionable overly friendly three year old. The litter. The teenagers who loiter around the playground or toss a ball around so close to the playground that you occasionally have to duck your head to avoid being hit (something my three year old wouldn’t even think to do if it came near his head). All of this was annoying and had me apprehensive about going to the small playground, which was kind of a bummer because for me it was a major selling point for this apartment. But throwing a bonfire on the playground?? Seriously? How could they think that was an okay thing to do? Now I just plain refuse to go there with MM which really sucks because it’s the only one in walking distance. I know, blah blah lazy me – get in the car and drive. That’s fine, I will. But – - I can’t get past, WTF?
I love our apartment – the layout, the kitchen, it feels right and it’s working. The price is decent. But every ammenity which seemed like a bonus point lately feels like a big let down. The washing machine and dryer which mostly work but end up being a pain in my butt – whatever I can deal with that as much as it’s annoying, it’s better than dragging two kids to a coin op. But the playground – that was a big thing on my list. I’m glad they don’t have a pool now because I’d never feel safe using it – lord knows what size fires they could start in there.
Basically, right now I’m just waiting rather impatiently to crawl out of the financial downturn we took after the layoff and start saving enough to buy a house. It is now the only thing I’m concerned about apart from the day to day whatevers. I don’t care about vacations right now or whatever. I just want a house. I dream about having my own little (fenced in) backyard with a swing set or a kiddie pool – to be able to talk about getting a puppy or planting a garden or buying outdoor furniture. To be able to just walk outside and have a cookout, rather than figuring out somewhere to use the tabletop grill. I want to paint walls and drill holes without thinking about how long it will take to fill them in when we leave. I want to own my domain and be the one in charge of it. I’m tired of WTF.
I think it’s interesting how a picture can look so different in color versus gray scale, sepia, etc. Tell me, in the comments section below, which version of this picture you like best.
a – black and white
b – sepia
c – full color
Remember to head over to Wordless Wednesday and 5 Minutes For Mom for more Wordless Wednesday participants.
Grade: A
I can still remember stumbling across The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book Of Love several years back and just falling in love with the whole idea of SPQ and more importantly, falling in love with Chocolate Stuff™, a recipe I’ve devoured several times over since first reading about it (it is seriously that good). The SPQ’s Queen Boss Lady, Jill Conner Browne, has written several nonfiction books that will help you fall in love, get married and / or divorced, have children, cook great food and more.
So when their first fictional book came out, The Sweet Potato Queens’ First Big-Ass Novel: Stuff We Didn’t Actually Do, but Could Have, and May Yet, I was pretty eager to get my hands on a copy, which I did, but somehow in the mix of life, love and babies I forgot I’d gotten it. I know, lame. But it was a lucky thing in some ways, because a couple weeks ago I was lamenting the complete and utter lack of anything good to read in my bookshelf that is literally overflowing with books I have yet to read except none of them were the RIGHT book that would fulfill my need for a light hearted, funny, feel good literary experience, when I saw my forgotten copy. It was like fate.
I really had no idea what kind of novel I was delving into – but with good faith and fond memories of Chocolate Stuff™, I jumped in and found the perfect light read – chick lit in all the glory that once gave the genre a good name. It tells a tale about overcoming and surviving life’s not so fabulous moments in the company of good people – a coming of age novel where things don’t always go right but they do eventually work out – with the help of good friends and good food.
The novel begins in the fictional childhood of SPQ Jill Conner Browne and eventually settles into her life as a young adult and beyond and her friendships with Mary Bennett, Patsy, Gerald and Tammy – it (fictionally) tells the story of how the Sweet Potato Queens came to be and the lives and friendships of each SPQ. The general theme of this story is that sometimes you have to step in and create your own success and embrace your inner Queen – because if you won’t embrace it, who will? I devoured this book quickly and I’d eagerly recommend this to any fan of “chick lit” – any woman who’s experienced the pros and cons of life – and anyone who likes good humor, good food and good writing.
You can visit the Sweet Potato Queens online at www.sweetpotatoqueens.com.
Today…
Outside my window: It’s another beautiful day – bright blue sky, puffy white clouds. I had to turn on the AC, which to me says everything. Weather man says a high of 81 – we’ll see how hot that 81 feels when I go to my doctor’s appointment this afternoon. This week looks to be much warmer than last week, unfortunately for pregnant me.
I am hearing: The hum of the AC and Shrek The Third playing on tv – MM has been enjoying himself a little Shrek marathon for the past two days – lucky thing we own all three of them.
I am thinking: I’ll have to divide the laundry between today and tomorrow this week – which isn’t really a big deal when the machines are right in the bedroom – not like it’s costing me extra money apart from energy usage, etc. I don’t miss those prepaid laundry cards AT ALL.
I am hoping: That the dinner tonight goes well – it’s a new recipe I found on My Wooden Spoon and it sounds delicious, but after the Rachel Ray fiasco (see: last time I cried) of last week I’m a bit apprehensive about new dishes right now…
I am reading: Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen – I am loving it – I’ve wanted to read this book for awhile so I was incredibly excited when I won it in a giveaway at Serendipity’s blog. I’m about 1/3 of the way through it right now…
I am creating: Nothing unless cleaning counts. We did so much cooking this weekend that I’m still getting caught up on the dishes, plus the laundry. I should probably also run the vacuum soon.
I am wearing: My new dress – so you know I’m in a good mood about that. It’s helping to stay cool in this hot summer weather and I don’t have to constantly pull my shirt down or my pants up over this gigantic pregnant belly, which according to the mirrors in the Walmart changing rooms is again bigger than I realized – it’s like it keeps growing or something.
In the kitchen:
- Monday: Tex Mex Chicken Pasta Skillet
- Tuesday: Spaghetti and Meatballs with garlic bread
- Wednesday: Hamburgers, Hot Dogs & Mac’n’Cheese
- Thursday: Grilled Cheese & Chicken & Dumpling Soup
- Friday: Chicken Parmesan
Around the house: My little plant is not quite as lustrous as the first week we had it home. It’s hanging in there but I’m worried my good luck is starting to run out. Dan thinks it looks fine though so we’ll see. Pretty soon we’ll be putting up baby furniture but I’m actually thinking of waiting until after I have the baby – I figure Dan can probably do what little needs to be done while I’m in the hospital so it isn’t taking up room in the meantime. The crib we don’t even need to assemble until BB outgrows the co-sleeper so it’s really just assembling the co-sleeper, the pack and play and the baby swing and making sure all the little odds and ends are out, but if nursing goes well we won’t need much – although we do need to get diapers soon, but again Dan can always pick some up at the store that week. I keep checking for sales on diapers but I haven’t seen anything yet.
Plans for the week: Maintaining status quo? I still need to get the car inspected and get the oil changed, we’ll probably do that this week. I might get a library card this week too – I’ve been putting that off because I really don’t enjoy taking MM to the library when I need to actually do something there, but it needs to be done…
One of my favorite things: Baby Blueberry’s adorable travel system – Dan put it together last night and it’s just so pretty, I love it. That’s tied right now with the watermelon lemonade in the fridge that I’m using all my willpower not to devour right now…
A picture thought: This was an “outtake” from the weekend but it cracks me up.
This weekend was my first time celebrating the 4th of July without going to the town parade, fireworks, visiting family for cookouts, etc. We spent the entire weekend celebrating with just the 3.5 of us and I have to say it was a pretty nice weekend. Our original plan involved going to the beach on Saturday and making a huge feast on Dan’s tabletop grill, but those plans were rained out. So we decided to go to the beach on Sunday with a modest feast and cook the majority of it at home that day.
Saturday July 4th went a little something like this…
After a french toast with powdered sugar, strawberries and blueberries breakfast (so festive!) we spent Saturday morning mulling around Walmart spending a lot more money than we intended to, but on things we needed (we got the sleeping bag for MM and a great nursing gown for me and BB). That afternoon we had bratwurst cooked over a George Foreman grill (hot dogs for the picky three year old), homemade pasta salad and deviled eggs. I’m going to admit right now that Dan did almost all the cooking this weekend.
(We were talking last night about our culinary interests and what we thought they’d be etc. I always assumed I’d become this perfect homemaker who cooked amazing dinners, desserts, etc. and basically owned the kitchen. But apart from desserts and the occasional lucky recipe, most of my culinary prospects have been lackluster. I can do a quick, easy main dish like it’s no one’s business but when I try to get fancy, I rarely feel my efforts have been rewarded by an amazing dish. It never feels worth it – you know? Just stressful. Then somewhere in the middle, Dan got interested in bread making, which turned into pizza making, which, with the help of Food Network in the past month and a half, has turned into – he loves to cook. And his food is good, ladies. I am spoiled rotten and I’m not complaining. I actually feel relieved. Sometimes I’m a bit jealous but since I can still kick his butt in the dessert department and I still mostly own the rest of the homemaking gig, I think it evens out and I’m proud of him. So in general, the kitchen belongs to Dan during the weekends especially and more often on weeknights than I care to admit to – but I can play the pregnancy card for now.)
Anyway, this has very little to do with the weekend – so I’ll get back to my little recap. After lunch we spent some time doing MM’s favorite thing – playing with toys. Every day (several times a day) he will come over to one of us and say, “Do you want to come play in my TOY ROOM?” and you know I feel terrible when I am too busy which seems to happen a lot – even more so for poor Dan. So that afternoon we both said a whole hearted YES and spent awhile doing just that. MM was in his glory.

For dinner that night we continued our original menu plan with the second half of our feast – Dan made homemade beef teriyaki – complete with the wooden skewers just like at a Chinese restaurant and oh mylanta, it was Good. We had that with leftover pasta salad and celery with peanut butter and cream cheese and for dessert – lemon bars, homemade right of a Betty Crocker box. I always go back and forth between strictly homemade and “times-a-wasting” and to be honest, this lemon craving of mine is still so new to me that I wanted to try a couple of box recipes first – that I know I can’t likely screw up – so that when I try homemade later when my energy levels return to “normal” I’ll know if it tastes close to right and what things should look like. These came out pretty good – and Dan kicked it up a festivity level with his “plating skills” (all husbands should be required to watch Iron Chef America – I think he secretly scores each of his meals by flavor, plating and originality).

(this picture doesn’t do it justice, I am still working on my food photography and meanwhile the ice cream and whipped cream were melting so I gave up early and got to eating!)
Then on Sunday, our holiday weekend continued…
The weather was gorgeous so we were thinking it would be the perfect beach day. But we set out first thing that morning to Target (which was closed on the 4th) to buy one very special item – Baby Blueberry’s infant car seat and stroller. We got the Graco Mulberry style travel system I’ve had my eye on for months now despite going back and forth a bit, wanting to be sure it was the one, we can now safely say – yes it is, and it’s ours! We had a cheap Cosco travel system with MM that we loathed so much we actually donated it shortly after he outgrew the car seat, vowing to get ourselves something nicer for the next baby. I was worried that wouldn’t happen after Dan got laid off, but with the help of the $100 Rent.com visa we got, the price was cut in half and we decided to do our sanity a favor and go for it. We’re very happy with it from what we’ve seen so far. By the time we got home the weather was too beautiful to wait any longer.

So we packed up our beach gear and the food we had planned for that day’s lunch and headed to our new favorite beach (not that we’ve checked out any others yet). Dan got to work immediately cooking the rest of the bratwurst and some more hot dogs for MM while MM got to work immediately playing on the beach’s playground.

Then after lunch we headed to the beach. Unfortunately the algae levels were too high or something so the department of health mandated the water be “closed” so we didn’t get any swimming in but the boys still had fun playing in the sand. After a couple minutes building sandcastles Dan taught MM the age old fun of being buried in the sand which he thought was just terrific!

That night we made homemade pizza with pretty much everything but the kitchen sink thrown on top, leftover pasta salad and some watermelon that was leftover from another culinary feat this weekend – we made this delicious watermelon lemonade that I saw on Smitten Kitchen last week. Everything was delicious, making a terrific end to our holiday weekend.
Again with the picture not doing the meal justice.







































