TIMEOUT: 10 things I’m putting on notice.

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One of the writing prompts in Mama Kat’s basically world famous writer’s workshop this week was:

6. List 10 people, places, or things you’d like to give a timeout to.

Luckily, my angst is in full swing today so coming up with ten things to send to the penalty box shouldn’t be much of a problem (btw: the penalty box is apparently also known as the “sin bin” according to the team trivia game I went to last night – the more you know…). Here’s my list today:

  1. literallySinus allergies. Sinus pressure. Allergies. Feeling like my head might literally explode. It’s the worst. TIMEOUT for sinus allergy pressure, please and thank you. Stay in your room until you feel sorry for what you’ve done or until everything outside is dead again.
  2. Justin Bieber. And Miley Cyrus. I’m grouping them together because I suspect they might in fact be the same person (and I’m not the only one) and both are equally in need of a ten year long timeout.
  3. Paper clutter. I know that it’s existence in my home is really my own fault but it doesn’t make me want to shove it all in a rubber room any less. I’d like to sentence paper clutter to an eternity in a bonfire, stat.
  4. Restaurants that don’t serve dessert. Seriously, what point are they trying to prove? Is it that hard to sell me a darn cookie?
  5. Cold weather in May. We’re halfway to June, it’s not allowed to be cold anymore. Stop making me have to debate the merits of wearing a jacket – I don’t want to wear a jacket EVER AGAIN, Mother Nature.
  6. la01dInsurance Companies. My job would seriously be 80% easier if insurance companies either stopped being jerks or just disappeared altogether.
  7. McDonalds. I ordered a crispy chicken sandwich with a Dr Pepper at the drive thru and was asked if I wanted beef or chicken. Ummm? Seriously? I re-specified my order 3 times and still got something different than what I actually asked for. Ridiculous.
  8. The Mommy Wars. They’re done, guys. They were never even real tbh – I’m pretty sure they were made up by self help books and prozac to make us all feel worse about ourselves. Pro tip: We didn’t need any help.
  9. Ink jet printers. And all other technology that seems to be made by the devil for the sole purpose of driving me absolutely insane. Also? Being the only tech savvy person in the room? That is on time out, too.
  10. The questions: “Mom, what’s for dinner?” “Can I play minecraft?” “Can I watch tv?” and “any other statement that begins with “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.” Ya done.

What would you like to put in time out today?

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Kangaroos and Giraffes and Bears: Oh my!

Subtitle: Getting up close and personal with the wildlife.

sub subtitle: Seriously. We were all up in their business.

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We took a class field trip to the Timbavati Wildlife Park in the Dells on Monday. We’ve never been before, so we didn’t really know what to expect. It’s kind of like a zoo. There are animals and a small train – and some of the animals you can feed! But this is not like any “petting zoo” I’ve ever been to. This was the most up close and personal kind of animal experience I’ve ever had.

When is the last time you fed a giraffe? I can now say, “quite recently” but I’m not sure I ever want to again.

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That would be the giraffe’s long black tongue, curling around a carrot stick which he would then stick in his mouth.

Basically: To feed a giraffe, you are going to get licked. And possibly disgusted for life. The kids were all equally “ewwwwwwww” about it. Can you blame them?20150518_100606c

Seriously.

Once its tongue was back in its mouth, it was pretty cute again and we were all like “Melman! You’re so cute!”

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And then this happened:

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And there was much squealing and giggling and “ewwwww”-ing once more. We also saw:20150518_101357

005a3e641caeef5921c20fd6cadadbedKangaroos!

A few of them had little joeys in their pouches which was nothing like what it looks like in Winnie the Pooh. I don’t know why, but my brain really has always assumed there was a pocket involved but I didn’t see one on any of these kangaroos so I feel like Kanga owes me an explanation or two.

I did see what I’m hoping was a baby kangaroo wiggling around inside a “pouch” on the momma kangaroo. Otherwise, she should get that looked at because you never know, I guess. Kids are always sticking weird things in weird places.Kanga-and-Roo-character

Other adorable things seen:

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These bear cubs looked and behaved so much like the bear cubs from the movie Brave that it was borderline uncanny.

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They were possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Like I’ll take two. The tour guide was incredibly brave around all these animals, which I guess comes with the territory but seriously he was petting lions and tigers and bears – oh my! No joke.

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If you could take any wild animal home as a pet (reality not included), which one would you pick? I’ll take a couple of those bears and a baby bobcat for good measure.

Link Love: Volume 9

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It’s Friday! I’ve had a long week so I’m super stoked to see the weekend and more excited because I have the day off from work so I get a break from khaki pants and more time to gossip with you guys about the cool stuff I’ve seen online lately – or we could talk about how American Idol got canceled or how cute Ryan Gosling is – your pick!

Did you see…

The best brush for tangled hair at Cup of Jo? My daughter is an absolute beast about hair brushing so I might have to try this. Have you used one of these?

Mental Floss shared a guide for pairing herbs with your food so basically you can look like an absolute boss in the kitchen now.

Dude Mom shared 15 things that are arguably awesome about getting older. I need to start working on my side eye.

Ohdeardrea has some great tips for organizing kids toys. She has a great eye for design so be prepared to want to go shopping like immediately.

Brightly wrote a list of books that third graders recommend to their friends on the kid-centric book sharing site bookopolis which is basically goodreads.com for kids.

Mental Floss wrote about the IKEA Kitchens of the Future project. In 2013 IKEA and IDEO recruited design students from two universities to collaborate on Concept Kitchen 2025. Would you use these ideas in your kitchen?

Ok now it’s your turn. What did you see online this week?

He’s talented, too: MM may be the next e.e. cummings

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My son is learning about poetry in school right now. I’m not sure how much of a hand his teacher had in helping the kids write these, but I’ll choose to imagine that my son is simply the next e.e. cummings and I should start working on helping him publish his first anthology, stat.

Here are some poems he’s written for class. I was kind of blown away when I read these.

Dad

Working, busy

Works all day

Always kind and happy

Father

 

Mrs. [P]

Organised, sweet

Watching, helping, reading

Wife, teacher, reading, english

Teaching, writing, helping

Helpful, giving

Teacher

 

Up high

The sun is so hot,

the sky is so high, high up,

so I can’t reach them.

Unch

We will munch

Monday’s brunch.

I have a hunch…

Rain

There

was a knock

at the door.only a

rain drop was there.

More drizzled on

the door.  

Copyright MFE © 2015, obviously. Don’t be a jerk and steal my son’s amazing poetry.

Humble Bragging: I’m raising the next Emma Stone.

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This weekend my daughter made her acting debut in the Kindergarten Class Play, titled The Glum Princess in which she played the title role. You can see above that she took her acting seriously, being as expressively glum as possible. If it’s not obvious, she’s the one in purple on the  far right looking about as grumpy as a kid can get.

The audience laughed hard as she stomped loudly across the stage and rudely insulted all the pet animals that the townspeople had brought her as a gift in an attempt to cheer her up. Then at the end of the play, she does a complete 180 and turns into the most delightfully happy princess in the universe after becoming utterly smitten with a pet dragon – much to her parents’ chagrin!

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A lot of people praised her acting and remarked at how well she played her role – and I couldn’t help but laugh because truthfully playing a grumpy drama queen in a tiara and fancy dress is not muuuuuch of a stretch for her, honestly but in all seriousness, I’ll admit – I was blown away by it, too. We’ve got your next big movie star right here in Wisconsin, folks!

And if that doesn’t pan out, she might have a career as an artist to aspire to also.

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