Has anybody else noticed that all workout dvds are secretly just aerobics, in some weird form or another.

Today I tried the 10 Minutes Solutions: Kickboxing Bootcamp: aka Step Aerobics Plus Punching. I never even got to the kicking part, if it was there. I jumped around for two and a half minutes punching the air, trying not to look like a complete tool, and also trying not to trip myself. I failed. A few times. And why call it kick boxing if I don’t get to kick anything – they should have called it hopping and punching boxing. I mean maybe there was kicking later, after the 2.5 minutes that I watched, but honestly, does that matter at this point?

Before that I tried Just My Size Yoga (hey the JMS jeans I bought are awesome, I figured it couldn’t hurt) and that DVD wasn’t aerobics, but it also wasn’t exercise. At least not calorie burning exercise. Any calories I burned while being a majestic tree, I gained back quickly with the water I drank afterwards (or the cookies, chips or ice cream, one of those). I actually kind of liked Yoga For Fat Chicks, but that’s probably because it was mostly easy and I didn’t break a sweat or find myself sort of stepping frantically in any direction possible, hoping I was still following along somehow. And probably if it’s easy it’s not worth it? I don’t know. Did I mention the ridiculous one piece body suit she’s wearing in this thing?

Before that was the 10 Minute Solutions: Fat Blasting Dance Mix, which was basically aerobics with silly music. My son thought it was really funny to see mommy dance, but probably because I was doing such a terrible job. I’m not coordinated – I can shake and jiggle, but not to a specific set of movements in a specific amount of time. And you see that happy peppy girl on the cover? Yeah, I kind of hate her for being happy and peppy while dancing, although in this picture she probably isn’t dancing, but posing to look like she’s dancing. Or she’s a robot. Definitely one of those.

All these workout DVDs kind of remind me of the Very Silly Songs! Veggie Tales video where Larry thinks he’s doing the first ever workout video…so he begins the workout by hopping to the left, right, front, and back in time to stereotypical workout music. Then he jumps on a trampoline and tells the viewers that if they don’t have a trampoline, they can just use an old rug and a pair of slinkies … Then after jumping higher and higher, he hits his head on the cupboards… over and over and over….

Yeah that’s what workout DVDs are like for me…

I think it’s pretty obvious to me that these 10 Minute Solutions DVDs are not for the unfit sloths like myself. They mean to fit a 60 minute workout into 10 minutes, as opposed to creating a 10 minute workout that you can do in 10 minutes before going off to buy twinkies…