So it’s come to this.

I joined weight watchers today.

That one sentence has so much meaning behind it. Meanings like, “I am feeling empowered enough to take a step towards better health for myself!” or “I acknowledge that I need to start eating better and exercising more!” but also “I’m admitting that keeping my diet in check alone is not working and that I need more help” and also “I feel a little silly and cliched admitting that I’ve joined Weight Watchers.”

What is it about this company (and others like it) that makes me feel a tiny bit like a failure for joining? The fact that I’m giving money to a program that I could do myself via free online tools or an Excel spreadsheet or a pen and paper? Is it the supermarket aisles filled with their Brand Foods that say “Just eat our stuff and you’ll lose weight and feel great – and we’ll feel great, too, because we have your money!” or the horror stories of The Weight Watchers Meetings filled with sad people who don’t love themselves (which is absurd because the very fact that they are there proves they love themselves, even if they don’t know it).

The truth is that everything I know about Weight Watchers and similar programs I’ve learned from the television and movies and second hand accounts from other people who have joined with varying degrees of success. I know that the methods I’m using aren’t working right now (and that’s okay!) but I won’t know if Weight Watchers will work until I try it. And doing nothing? Yeah that doesn’t work either, trust me I’ve tried! (Eating Easter boxes of whoppers in the middle of the day isn’t helping either FYI).

Losing weight or trying to lose weight can be such a touchy subject. It feels like failure and shame – it sounds like hungry anger and tired whimpering when we don’t want to work out today. But the truth is, any step we make towards bettering ourselves – no matter what path we choose or how far down the path we’ve walked – is a sign of success. It’s a sign that we woke up today and chose to better ourselves and to make positive changes to our lives. So even if you feel grumpy or despondent ; even if you’d rather eat leftover Halloween candy and watch Idol (me, too!) ; even if you have so much weight to lose that it feels daunting – it’s okay. We don’t have to be happy and smiley about our choices – we just have to make the choices and be honest with ourselves – to accept the choices we make each day and wake up tomorrow and do it again.

I joined Weight Watchers today. I don’t know if I love it yet. Their android app refused to work on my phone, the points system is new and still has to prove to me that it’s beneficial. Their website will take some getting to know. I may not stick with this plan. I may falter – I may fail. But today I’m choosing to do better – to be more aware of the foods I’m putting in my mouth and to make plans for more exercise. I’m choosing to put my money where my mouth is and TRY. Because trying has to work better than not trying. Because I’m worth it.