A distraction: Amish ninja chic.

The internet is justifiably a sad place today. In between doing all the things one does throughout the day, I’ve been reeling over the news that one of the greatest actors, comedians and humans of our time is no longer with us. I’ve read all the articles and felt all the feels and made a mental list of all the movies I need to watch with the kids SOON to make sure they get a proper education in funny. I’ve lamented with friends and lingered too long in my thoughts and hugged my babies a little tighter.

But if we are going to truly remember this man, we need to remember what he’s taught us: Laughter is the best medicine. In the off chance that you are feeling the weight of this tragedy a little too deeply today and are in need of a distraction (me, too), let’s talk about my daughter’s fashion choices. Because obviously.

amish ninja

I’m calling this look The hills are alive with the sound of ninjas.

My mother-in-law got this adorable little ensemble for BB while we were in Amish country and of course BB is obsessed. She loves nothing more than a pretty dress and if that dress can in any way seem like overkill for the occasion – well that’s even better. She’s been wearing it constantly, around the house and to MM’s karate lessons (yes, I’m apparently that mom despite my best efforts) and now she’s upping the ante with creative and irreverent accessorizing.

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I think this really shows her personality completely. She will not be pinned down by society’s expectations and always insists on doing things her way. Why wear just a traditional Amish dress when you can wear it with a Ninja Turtles mask? Why walk when you can dance? Why sit quietly when you can sing? Why eat broccoli when you can NOT eat broccoli?

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Her personality is so big, it fills the room. Her smile is contagious. She’s one of those kids that makes little old ladies in the super market stop and gush and she soaks it all in. If you have a minute, she has a little solo number to sing for you that she wrote ten seconds ago. She may well be an iconic entertainer herself one day, lord knows she entertains me from sun up to sun down.

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“You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

– Robin Williams

Weekend Diversions: math that isn’t math, the telephone game minus the telephone & a fake apology

This weekend’s diversions are all about things that aren’t exactly what the seem, because they are actually better. Last things first, Jen posted this awesome video on her blog and I just had to share it here. Watch as Portia De Rossi apologizes for marrying Ellen…

So next I thought we’d have some fun with math, or rather the New Math. Basically it’s like the best kind of math ever because it’s funny AND you’ll understand it. Don’t believe me? Check out some of these equations and tell me if it doesn’t all add up to you…

Alright. I saved the best for last – this diversion comes courtesy of Jean and has been probably the best part of my entire week – and my husband’s week, too, because after I got sufficiently addicted, I got him hooked, too. It’s called Broken Picture Telephone and it’s awesome. I’m guessing you guys have played that Telephone game in school or something where someone says something to someone else, etc. etc. and by the time you get to the end the message is completely changed? Yeah this is like that except with pictures and it’s hysterical. I’ll show you a quick example and then you have to go try it for yourself, kay?

When Facebook Meets Real Life

I love Facebook but this still made me laugh, because it really is kind of true of the annoying side effects… It reminds me of my husband’s reaction to Facebook when I convinced him to sign up – he got so annoyed he disabled EVERYTHING and quit a few hours later, grumbling about, “What the heck is a wall and no I don’t want people writing on it!” Poor guy.

At Least She Was Polite

A few weeks ago I went to a wedding for a person I don’t know. I mean, my husband knew her – she’s his cousin and so obviously we knew some of the family members in attendance like my in-laws and a couple grandparents. The wedding was nice, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit bored since I didn’t know a single person in the ceremony. But a night out without MM is nice, right? So we went, despite my trepidation about the event and we didn’t have too terrible a time. We also didn’t bring a gift, because we are poor (probably poorer than the couple) and I didn’t KNOW them well enough to pick out a gift I knew they’d like.

Today I got a thank you card in the mail. Or at least, my husband and his OTHER wife, Jess did. This is what it said:

[DH] and Jess,

Thank you so much for your generous gift. It was incredibly thoughful. It will definitely help settle into our new house. It was great to see you at the wedding and hope you had tons of fun!

Thanks Again,

[Bride] & [Groom]

So, to begin with, the name. Okay. Whatever, Jennifer, Jessica, same difference. Maye I should ask my husband if there’s something he’s been meaning to tell me? It’d be good for a laugh anyway. But then she thanks us for a nondescript generous gift of some sort… that I certainly didn’t buy, pay for or give to her. Maybe Jessica sent it? MAYBE my in-laws knew we wouldn’t get them anything and sent something in our “name”? If so, maybe I should send them my thank you note? Clearly [bride] doesn’t know what the gift was either since she didn’t mention it in the letter apart from it being thoughtful and helpful in a new home.

But the important thing to take note of here, is that if you are invited to a wedding for a couple you don’t know, don’t bother buying them a gift, because not only will the couple not remember who you actually are, they won’t have any idea if you got them a gift or not when trying to weed through the pile of crock pots and dinettes that all their “thoughtful” friends and family may [or may not] have gotten them.

They were also kind enough to send us a little card with their new names and address on it – so we can send them Christmas cards of Jess and the family, no doubt.

Sleep-Deprived Travelers Say The Darndest Things.

I go away for vacation and come home to 27 spam comments and over 500 new blog posts in my Google Reader. And you know, life, laundry and the purse full of reciepts to balance. Stuff. But I don’t want to talk about stuff. I want to talk about Funny Stuff. Funny Stuff that I noticed spilling out of my mouth during the long hours on the road of our vacation this weekend. Here is the good stuff that I managed to write down wherever I could, in between assuring myself that I wasn’t being an egotistical delusional freak for doing so:

“And another one bites the dust!!!!!” about 27 times give or take during the instrumental parts of “The Happiest Day” by Pink Floyd, much to my husband’s dismay, I am telling you – they may as well be the same song. Really. Go listen. I’ll wait.

“You should buy me a tape recorder for my birthday,” I said while looking for paper, wishing I could record every word I say when I’m not thinking about blogging – because those are the truly funny things in my opinion, the things you say when no one is listening… Anyway my husband replied, “You can do that with your cell phone, you know,” to which I replied, “that would involve learning to use the thing, and I’m hoping to get a new phone before that happens.”

I swear this was all funny at the time…

DH: “You fail at ripping CDs” because  a song got cut off. Except it didn’t. But hey, he tried to make a funny – how cute.

“L.B.I.” (reading a sticker on a car, then, guessing what it stands for… “Lesbian BiSexual Inaugoration?”

Anyone have an LBI sticker that wants to tell me what it really stand for? Was I close?

Me: “Why is that dirt biker looking at us? And why is he talking on his cell phone while riding a dirt bike? I should put a cap in his ass.”
DH: “You mean bust a cap in his ass?”

(dirt bike dude looks at us)
Me: “He’s looking at us again!!!”
DH: “It doesn’t help that you keep pointing at him, Jen. And I hope you have the cap busting skills to back up that statement, or should I say cap putting skills?”

*this joke was DH-Blog-Approved

(naming store signs) me: “The Curious Cow, Woodstock Emporium, a candy store… and I think I saw a gun store…” dh: [uncomfortable laughter]

“What? I did nothing on your ass!” (in response to “Crazy” by Aerosmith – have I mentioned that I loathe Steven Tyler?)

“Little River!! Do you think this is where the band is from??”

“Kankamagus… Kankamangus… Kankasaurus… Cankersore?” a few not enough caffeine-inspired variations on the world’s silliest Highway name. You guess which one is correct.

Me: “You know there are starving children in India who would kill to get a magnadoodle!” (to my son who was misusing his)
DH: “My mind hurts.

“Look a yard sale! …. So far… it looks like they are selling the yard…” Seriously I never saw anything for sale – just the sign. This happened by the way when MM fell asleep in the car and we decided to take a little joy ride and ended up in Vermont (we were staying in New Hampshire, but on the skinny end and Vermont, as it turns out, is only a 5 mile drive from the hotel roughly…

So, kids, what have we learned about writing down funny things to blog about later? That’s right, it’s never as funny out of context, no matter how clever you are. But it does give you a sort of inside view of our frames of mind that morning, with not nearly enough caffeine for our likings. But we had a GREAT time…

More on that later.