Sleep-Deprived Travelers Say The Darndest Things.

I go away for vacation and come home to 27 spam comments and over 500 new blog posts in my Google Reader. And you know, life, laundry and the purse full of reciepts to balance. Stuff. But I don’t want to talk about stuff. I want to talk about Funny Stuff. Funny Stuff that I noticed spilling out of my mouth during the long hours on the road of our vacation this weekend. Here is the good stuff that I managed to write down wherever I could, in between assuring myself that I wasn’t being an egotistical delusional freak for doing so:

“And another one bites the dust!!!!!” about 27 times give or take during the instrumental parts of “The Happiest Day” by Pink Floyd, much to my husband’s dismay, I am telling you – they may as well be the same song. Really. Go listen. I’ll wait.

“You should buy me a tape recorder for my birthday,” I said while looking for paper, wishing I could record every word I say when I’m not thinking about blogging – because those are the truly funny things in my opinion, the things you say when no one is listening… Anyway my husband replied, “You can do that with your cell phone, you know,” to which I replied, “that would involve learning to use the thing, and I’m hoping to get a new phone before that happens.”

I swear this was all funny at the time…

DH: “You fail at ripping CDs” because  a song got cut off. Except it didn’t. But hey, he tried to make a funny – how cute.

“L.B.I.” (reading a sticker on a car, then, guessing what it stands for… “Lesbian BiSexual Inaugoration?”

Anyone have an LBI sticker that wants to tell me what it really stand for? Was I close?

Me: “Why is that dirt biker looking at us? And why is he talking on his cell phone while riding a dirt bike? I should put a cap in his ass.”
DH: “You mean bust a cap in his ass?”

(dirt bike dude looks at us)
Me: “He’s looking at us again!!!”
DH: “It doesn’t help that you keep pointing at him, Jen. And I hope you have the cap busting skills to back up that statement, or should I say cap putting skills?”

*this joke was DH-Blog-Approved

(naming store signs) me: “The Curious Cow, Woodstock Emporium, a candy store… and I think I saw a gun store…” dh: [uncomfortable laughter]

“What? I did nothing on your ass!” (in response to “Crazy” by Aerosmith – have I mentioned that I loathe Steven Tyler?)

“Little River!! Do you think this is where the band is from??”

“Kankamagus… Kankamangus… Kankasaurus… Cankersore?” a few not enough caffeine-inspired variations on the world’s silliest Highway name. You guess which one is correct.

Me: “You know there are starving children in India who would kill to get a magnadoodle!” (to my son who was misusing his)
DH: “My mind hurts.

“Look a yard sale! …. So far… it looks like they are selling the yard…” Seriously I never saw anything for sale – just the sign. This happened by the way when MM fell asleep in the car and we decided to take a little joy ride and ended up in Vermont (we were staying in New Hampshire, but on the skinny end and Vermont, as it turns out, is only a 5 mile drive from the hotel roughly…

So, kids, what have we learned about writing down funny things to blog about later? That’s right, it’s never as funny out of context, no matter how clever you are. But it does give you a sort of inside view of our frames of mind that morning, with not nearly enough caffeine for our likings. But we had a GREAT time…

More on that later.