i am, i think, i know…

i am: watching Curious George with the boys for the 876th time. At least.
i think: way too much about way too many things, probably like all mothers.
i know: that I am blessed with the good fortune I’ve had in life.
i want: a big house with a big family, lots of laughter and memories.
i have: a pretty amazing, insanely clever son and husband.
i wish: I could get up and go traveling every time I got an itch of wanderlust.
i hate: hatred, war, famine, ignorance, crime, suffering of the world.
i miss: bits and pieces of my life before motherhood.
i fear: being buried alive, now thanks to the TV show Bones
i feel: a little sick to my stomach and I’m trying hard not to jump to conclusions.
i hear: George and the Man With the Yellow Hat playing peekaboo…
i smell: nothing in particular thanks to seasonal allergies.
i crave: chocolate. [mmm, I second that, but then, when is that not true?]
i search: online for the greatest family vacation under the sun…
i wonder: what my son will be like when he is older, how many children will we have, where will we go from here? What awaits us in the future, even fifteen minutes in the future is a mystery some days…
i regret: dating as much as I did – only because I can’t help think how much of that energy could have gone towards my education instead. I may never get to go back to school and sometimes none of the dating I did seems worthwhile looking back now. I miss school though, the classes and projects. I eagerly await helping MLM with his own homework someday…
i love: filling out surveys so I can blabber on about myself even more than usual.
i ache: everywhere, all the time most days – I’ve always had kind of a bad back and it’s only getting worse with age unfortunately…
i care: too much about what others think of me. Am I funny enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? GOOD enough? Do they really like me? Will they be gone tomorrow?
i always: dwell in the future or the past – I have a hard time living in the moment.
i am not: perfect – I don’t say the right thing, I lack in basic social graces, I wipe my hands on my clothes instead of a napkin, I feel awkward all the time.
i believe: that in spite of that, I’m a good person with a lot to offer to the world.
i dance: around the living room with my son to make him laugh.
i sing: Veggie Tales Silly Songs all the time, even when they aren’t playing (which isn’t often these days…)
i don’t always: eat breakfast in the morning, even when I know I should.
i fight: with my husband and always feel insanely guilty afterward. We are still at that stage where no fight can go unresolved by the end of the night. It’s nice.
i write: because I couldn’t possibly not write.
i win: a lot when I play games with my friends, but..
i lose: frequently when I play those games with my husband.
i never: got to do a lot of childhood things like going on a picnic, flying a kite, girl scouts or summer camp.
i confuse: my husband all the freaking time.
i listen: to my son all day…
i can usually be found: flitting between the living room, kitchen and my son’s room.
i am scared: of abandonment and death.
i need: books to stay sane.
i am happy about: how things have turned out so far…

motherhood travel

Top 10 Things To Do This Summer

Just a little list of the top 10 things I want to do this summer with MLM or would like to do given the time, money and / or energy:

01. Picnic at the park – complete with cute picnic basket, kite flying and a yummy dessert. I have actually never been on a picnic so this would be a real treat.

02. Hit the beach! – The sweet smell of sunscreen and sand in your shoes, waves crashing against the shore in a non-violent totally safe way. Building sandcastles and eating sand covered peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

03. Read a book under a tree – wearing some terribly cute peasant girl dress while the kids amuse themselves with that kite or a ball game.

04. Make my own ice cream – We tried the whole ice cream maker thing a few months ago but the machine we got was defective and we ended up returning it and never found the momentum again to try another one. Someday, someday… In a bag, in a ball, in a bowl

05. Go camping –  in the backyard I don’t have or a state park, tell ghost stories, roast marshmallows, star gaze, catch fireflies…

06. Go berry picking – and make pies, jams, and ice cream toppings with our findings

07. Watch a Movie in your yard – Hang a white sheet from a clothes line, rent a projector and a good flick. I’ve always wanted to do this. In my mind there are no mosquitoes or space limitations.

08. Good old fashioned fun in the sprinkler – who needs a fancy underground pool or beach pass, when you have a sprinkler – or even just a hose.

09. Go to a family BBQ – Nothing beats time with good family or friends, a grill full of burgers and hot dogs, and loads of other foods that are likely terrible for you but delicious. Enjoy the treat of having other people to amuse your kids for a day.

10. Go on vacation to the White Mountains! – Okay maybe this one is ultra specific but hey it’s also the only one without a doubt likely to happen this year and definitely the one I’m looking forward to the most.


Why I [don't] Write [much these days]

You may or may not know that I’m a writer. Or at least I was a writer. Can I honestly call myself a writer when mostly my only writing happens inside this blog? I graduated from college with a degree in English: Writing and Communications which may or may not have prepared me for communicating to my son what he may or may not be allowed to do. I can quite succinctly inform my son the following things, “No,” “Not for [insert name here],” “Walk away!” I have been educated enough to know that he will not understand me if I say, for instance, “There is a marginal chance that you will be electrocuted if you play with that and as your mother I am paranoid enough to worry about such matters and would greatly appreciate it if you would refrain from playing with said item so that I may be relieved of the duty of worrying about things like electrocution and any other harms lurking therein.”

No, he wouldn’t appreciate or understand a statement like that and thus my degree is mostly useless where he is concerned, at least for the time being. I frequently dream about one day publishing a childrens book or book of poetry, and have even occasionally set about writing such a thing, but the truth is lately I prefer reading to writing, especially when there is something good to read that a teacher didn’t force me to read via a curriculum or syllabus. I have always said the best reason to write is when you want to read something that hasn’t been written yet, but I have a lot to read before I can say that these days.

I love to read. I read children’s books to MLM, young adult fare to myself, and the occasionally great piece of literature also for myself. I read magazines and edit them for my own pleasure, snarkily reveling in the knowledge that I am still smarter than someone above the age of 2. I read recipes from cookbooks and internet foodie sites, grumbling about the fact that I don’t keep things like artichoke hearts and heavy cream in my refrigerator in a regular basis.

Oh and the poetry? Here’s the thing – in general, I think any great piece of writing needs a little thing called conflict, and where poetry is concerned I excel at that great cliche called unrequited love. Problem with that: I’m married. My love life is pretty honky dory and I don’t think anyone wants to read my poetry about that. It would go something like this : I’m happy. La de da. . . . . Whoops, sorry, I fell asleep. The things I worry about at great length now I am not entirely knowledgeable about enough to write about and think I’d know what I was talking about. Ode to I’m Sad About Global Warming and War is For Stupids and Other Such Bothers just don’t have that great rigor that is necessary in poetry. In short, I ran out of material for poetry before I got good at it. I am le screwed you could say.

I know I’m young. Perhaps my time for greatness simply hasn’t come yet. I may just need to “live more” and wait patiently for my muse to find me. I see no need to write trite nothingness in the meantime – it would simply be more things to edit with my handy delete key. Thus, useless. So… I am a writer. But I guess my muse is on pause while I busy myself with poopy diapers and Veggie Tales Silly Song marathons. Until next time, I bid you all a fabulous afternoon.

motherhood photography

My Little Baby Is Growing Up! ::meep::

This weekend I got to hold a new baby (weeks old people, weeks old!) and finally had my son’s first hair cut finished (so it took us over a month, we got there). So right now I am gazing at my son and his cute little lack of hair and marveling at how much older he looks, while dreaming about newborns and recalling the earliest days of MLM’s life – our adventures in nursing, living with in-laws, learning the ins and outs of parenting (let’s face it, we’re still learning that) and now look at us little more than 2 years later and we are semi-world class professional parenting gurus. Doling out advice to our recently new parent friends, hoping in the back of our minds that they wanted said advice and ogling the fresh newborn baby awesomeness for all it’s worth.

I’m not sure when we’ll have our next child. Emotionally we are ready, financially we’re probably as ready as we’ll ever be. It’s all a mixture of timing and trying to do right by the kid we’ve got. I’d love to get MLM actually potty trained before the newborn shows up and I’d love it if he were old enough to help out and really get the idea of being a big brother. Right now he’s still slowly leaving his own baby-hood, but 9 months is a long time, who knows what he’ll be like 9 months from now, never mind whenever new baby is born.

And then there is the whole gritty process of actually TRYING to conceive and stressing yourself out with all the details, like it wasn’t easy as pie the first time around. I don’t want to fall in love with the idea of a fall birth and then miss it completely due to lack of “success” or dread a winter birth and end up with that in the end. There is a downside I think to any season and up sides to all of them as well. The important thing is the baby.

Which is how we end up where we’ve been ending up with this idea of not not trying and letting nature handle things. But oh the organizational obsessed woman in me loathes this idea on some level – shouldn’t I have a detailed plan laid out like I do for our savings, budgeting, house planning, vacationing schemes? Bah, I say…

And with that, some before and after pictures:

before haircut



after haircut



Snarky Comments are Cuter on Kids Clothing

Um can I have another baby just so I can make him (or her) wear this? Or maybe this? They do sell these onesies in sizes up to 24 months, but despite being a peanut my son could still outgrow this tomorrow if he tried hard… And the t-shirts are equally cute and available up to 6T, but okay, I just want another baby, so sue me!

But anyway, back to and the oh so cute that are her designs. I especially love all the shirts with teenie tiny foot prints on them like this one – which is way cuter than just a red sox jersey in my humble opinion. When you add to all that awesomeness the fact that each piece of clothing is printed on 100% organic cotton and made in the U.S.A. you really can’t go wrong. I found on the Goody Blog, by the way – if you don’t read them yet, you really should – at least, if you are a parent and / or like children. Go I say!


Things My Son Likes To Wear on His Head

So this morning I decided on the whim to take my son to the library, because I was craving something new to dive into after I finish Jane Austen in Scarsdale ( hopefully soon ::crosses fingers:: ). This post isn’t really about the library though – what I’m about to tell you happened in the library parking lot, on the way home after checking out The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray and The Boy Next Door by Meg Cabot (because this growned ass woman has an obsession with young adult novels – deal with it).

We’d gotten ourselves into the car with little issue – he even climbed in himself for the first time like a big kid or something. I’d literally just turned the key when he began hooting and howling like a banshee. I turned around to see if he’d dropped his beloved toy of the moment and found to my surprise that he had somehow gotten his head stuck in a toilet. Or rather a Toilet Training Seat we bought a month or so back to keep in the car when we actually begin potty training – you know, a quick fix for pottying on the go when your tush is too small to prevent falling in.

Since my adorable two year old’s tush has not yet met this cute little seat, we haven’t forced him to stop playing with it when we’re taking a drive somewhere – I figure if he wants to make friends, for now, it won’t hurt him. Apparently I was wrong. There he was in all his glory, with an original potty hat, that he couldn’t get off. And he was not happy!

I struggled for quite some time, trying to angle it so it might slide off without hurting him (which he not too happily informed me I was failing at), hoping desperately that we wouldn’t have to drive to the ER and explain our situation to strangers (although truth be told I was also considering driving down the street to my husband’s office so he could share in the moment – and I might have except I didn’t really want to drive around with a toilet on my son’s head – it just didn’t seem like a safe idea in the event we got into an accident… yeah…).

Well by the grace of god I managed to get the darned thing off his head without ripping his scalp off and all was well. Except when I then took the seat away for the drive he was LIVID. The crazy loon still wanted to play with his beloved potty even after all that and could not be convinced as to why it wasn’t okay! Seriously?

So that’s my story – I must say if I hadn’t gotten two fun new books to read out of this situation it would have been a pretty miserable waste of an outing, so, thank god for books, if I do say so myself. And I do.

motherhood travel

Top 10 Imaginary Family Vacations

This year we’ve opted not to take a vacation in an effort to save some well needed moolah – but that doesn’t stop a woman from dreaming – if we were taking a vacation and money was no object, these are the places I’d most like to go, probably in no particular order:

1. Sesame Place – located in Pennsylvania, though a bit expensive this park offers my son what few other amusement parks will – Elmo – it’s also in the same state as Amish Country and Hershey Park, already tried and true favorites for our family.

2. Disney’s Fort Wilderness – It combines the magic of Disney with my dH’s love of camping and wilderness – and it’s on the cheap side as far as Disney is concerned, at least if you use the campsite instead of the cabin – we’ve talked about renting an RV if we do this and making a big trip of it, with stops along the way to Florida.

3. Storyland – Located in New Hampshire this will probably be our next major vacation. Where a ride in a pumpkin coach, an antique car, or a pirate ship are only just the beginning – this one seems perfect for a toddler or preschooler and I really can not wait. Talk about bringing childhood storybook favorites to life!

4. The Dr. Seuss National Memorial Sculpture Garden – Right in Springfield, MA – This one may have to wait until my son’s a bit older, the trip would involve walking through a park filled with bronze statues of Seuss characters and trips to the local Springfield museums of science, arts, and history – a ridiculously good deal where one low price gets you admission to all four museums. I’m a nerd and this all sounds so great to me, but again, I think my 2 year old is still too young to appreciate this one.

5. Beaches Resorts – If you are really willing to shell out some cash you can get a real deal – a Caribbean vacation WITH Elmo, and the other Sesame characters – this trip is drool worthy and amazing and again, expensive. Expect to pay $3,000-5,000. But it is all inclusive (mostly) so this may make it a good deal if you can afford it.

6. Disney Cruise – While we’re dreaming a Disney Cruise, or heck any cruise would be fun, too. I’ve never done the cruise thing and while truth be told, the prospect of a cruise gives me an untold number of things to worry about, it also sounds like a lot of fun – assuming I can get the whole Titanic thing out of my mind.

7. Italy – We are dreaming right? I’ve been out of the US once, to see my grandfather in Germany and traveling Europe has always held infinite appeal to me – Italy seems like it would be up there at the top of my list. I’d definitely go in Spring or Fall when the weather is optimal and probably prices are better since most people do big vacations in the summer.

8. Niagara Falls – Preferably in Canada since again, I’ve never been. I’d also probably want to go to Jellystone Park since I’m a mom and all – it looks like a really cute idea for kids and again we could combine camping with the whole shebang.

9. The Grand Canyon – Doesn’t everyone need to go to the Grand Canyon? At least once? And again, how have I never done this? I am seriously lacking in the travel department, despite my constant wanderlust and family history of moving once every 2.5 years or so.

10. Mohegan Sun – I’m not a big gambler – I don’t buy lottery tickets or bet on races, but I feel as a grown assed woman, I aught to go to a casino someday and Mohegan Sun after a bit of research seems like a clear winner. Possibly a good just me and husband vacation we could spend a few minutes in the casino and then go see a good show and maybe pamper ourselves with some spa and pool time and eat some good food while we’re there.

motherhood photography

People Say We Monkey Around

Just Monkeying Around, originally uploaded by um me.

On Mother’s Day this year, my husband took me to Roger Williams Zoo in RI (moms got in half off with a child!) – the weather was gorgeous and so was my son. We got him this cute green hat (because of the sun) and this cute orange monkey because even though my husband and I have seen a million stuffed animals that velcro at the hands and feet, my two year old – this is his first one ever! And he was amazed! And it’s bright orange! Aren’t we clever?

motherhood reviews

My Favorite Author: Janet Evanovich

Man I love books – If I could live, breath, eat and sleep books I might. I wouldn’t marry a book, but I am married to another book lover so that’s pretty good, too. So what book or books do I want to talk about today? I want to talk about Janet Evanovich, whose newest book in the Stephenie Plum series, Fearless Fourteen comes out JUNE 17.

I began reading the Plum series shortly after graduating college and getting laid off from my first out of college job (good times) – ironically, the series begins with Plum getting fired from her job as a lingerie buyer in Jersey and embarking on the fun life of a bounty hunter (almost as much fun as the life of a SAHM, am I right?), while trying to get the rest of her life, love life included, in order.

Evanovich began writing this series in the mid 90’s after spending several years writing romance novels (which admittedly are not as good as her Plum series but ARE fun fluff reading if you need a fix in between Plums hitting the shelf). Over the years she’s managed to keep things fresh and new, and with the times without feeling forced. She keeps the world’s hottest love triangle from getting stale and keeps Plum always, always relateable to the real women of the world, even while she’s out fighting crime like a bad ass.

I’m a pretty big fan you could say. As a woman, I relate to Stephanie Plum a lot – her imperfections and quirks remind you that we’re all human, we’re all figuring this out as we go. As a writer, I admire Evanovich’s style – she’s found a formula that WORKS for her and she’s good at keeping that from feeling forced or sell out-ish. She’s even written a book about writing that I just loved. It makes me feel like someday I might actually write something of worth and figure out how to do it well. She is a legend for me and just fantastic.

My point? If you haven’t given this series a chance yet, do it! Do it now!