Only John Mayer's Songs Can Ever Take Away This Chill

Sometimes I feel sad in the winter even when I’m happy. Nothing bad is happening – it’s like a phantom ache, the memories of winter past are enough. I can still feel that familiar pang of unwanted change – love ending, autumn ending, the first snow meaning little more than a bone numbing chill, waiting for the dorms to turn the heat ON.

When I was in college the seasons meant predictable things to me. The fall meant a brief feeling that anything could happen, but usually resulted in the knowledge that once again everything had changed without my permission. My classes were different, my schedule had to be relearned, the summer sun was cooling, and usually my relationships were, too.

By winter it was official – everything was different and in a few weeks I’d be going home where I’d sit and do nothing while I waited for the holidays to be over so my life could begin again. Spring was better – I had had my short break and I was ready to take life seriously. I’d usually pick up a new boyfriend – things would get serious. By summer we’d have been dating for months and I’d think nothing could break us. It would. Break us. But in the summer it doesn’t hurt as much. You are too busy having fun or picking up extra shifts at your summer job to worry about it – you can always have a summer fling to take your mind off things. It’s not until you get back that fall that you realize what you’ve lost. And that things went and changed again.

I’m married now and with no college courses to contend with each month feels largely like the month before with the exception of changes in weather. Getting pregnant is likely the first thing to come along in the “what’s new?” category in months (that and the fact that my son likes to sleep naked but ISN’T potty trained – that’s fun – gotta love independence).

But my point is – I’m happily married, have incredible friends, an amazing son and I’m pregnant with amazing child number 2. I’m rocking this life. But the seasons still come and my mood still drops sometimes and things feel a little empty. And when they do, John is the only thing for it. Sometimes I can ONLY deal with John – any other music is just noise. Because only John always gets it – and he always did… Even back in college, it was John I turned to with the turning of my moods…

I am driving up 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
Four more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
wood in places to make it feel like home
but all I feel is alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

from Why Georgia

I’m dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for joy but I bought it all
It doesn’t help the hunger pains
And a thirst I’d have to drown first to ever satiate

Something’s missing
And I don’t know how to fix it
Something’s missing
And I don’t know what it is
No I don’t know what it is
At all

When Autumn comes, it doesn’t ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart

from Something’s Missing

A Surprising Discovery

I’m surprised. I can’t believe none of you ever mentioned how insanely hot Jack Johnson is. Here I’ve been all John Mayer obsessed for so long I guess I never bothered to LOOK at Jack Johnson, I mean except for this:

Yeah I’ve seen that – he looks like a tool (forgive me for saying so, but it’s true and it’s awfully sneaky and unfair of him to be covering up like that so that I remained up until this moment unaware that he really looks like this:

I had to wait for Curious George to let me know. The movie ended and we are still waiting for dh to get home (should be any minute now, you know right about when I post something indecent about my thoughts about Jack Johnson now) and MM was all, “I want George,” and I was all, “We just watched George,” but he was insistent and rather than start the movie over again I turned to the special features which I’ve ignored up until now and played the Upside Down music video and this gorgeous hunk jumps into the water after slipping on a banana peel that George so sneakily left on the ground and I’m all, “Who is that hottie, because that can’t be Jack Johnson… can it?”

But I googled and it so clearly IS Jack Johnson and now I’m like, “How could I not have known this? I’ve been deceived all this time – I never knew he looked just as hot as his music sounds amazing – I could have started a fan club. Or at least joined one.” And you should have told me, blogland – I put my trust in you to keep me abreast of these things. Never once have I seen Mr. Jack Johnson on the Friday Eye Candy list – ladies, I expect more than that from you – how have you been leaving him out?

Point is – you ladies need to keep a better eye on all the potential hotness so that we don’t miss out on any more of this. I’m now plotting getting tickets to a Jack Johnson concert because I didn’t know there was such a huge advantage to seeing him live – and if I keep it on the low down, dh won’t suspect a thing…

Memo To Jen & John: Let’s Call A Truce?

I get it. You like each other. The reconciliation is real or whatever. There will be no J’Natalie. Fine.

Truth be told, I like you two together – you are a cute, smart, talented couple and if you wanted to, you could make beautiful babies together. I think I was just bitter because it wasn’t my idea. I wanted a McGosling to call my own. I’m sorry.

I respect both of you too much to be petty and interfere in your affairs – I think I can trust you two to make your own decisions and I want the very best for you both, I really do.

But if you guys are off again tomorrow, I might not be feeling so tactful and peaceful and go with the flowy. I might raise a pirate flag instead. Got it?

You’ve been warned.

Monday Morning With The Sick Kid

It’s time for another Monday Morning Meme, which is brought to you by Karen @ Write From Karen. This week’s questions are:

1. What’s your mood today? Why do you feel this way? Would you consider yourself to be a moody person overall? When has your “moodiness” gotten you into trouble? Tell us about that incident. Today I’m mostly just siiiiick. In fact, pretty much the whole family is. We woke up yesterday with this lingering suck just sucky enough to make us whine about it, but controlled enough that we kept on trucking, getting our errands done. Do you know how hard it is to pick out fabric for a quilt when you’d rather be hiding under the already made covers? Oh well. This morning I’m doing laundry and being sick. I don’t really have time for an actual mood, I’m just trying to keep it together, you know? I am definitely prone to moody – I have ups and downs and they are usually well defined. I don’t know of any story of my moodiness getting me into trouble but maybe I’m just too sick to think about it?

2. How do you feel about the dentist? On a scale of 1 (terrified) to 10 (he’s like a brother to you). And, if it’s a low number … is there a reason behind your fear / loathing? Tell us a dentist story (we all have them!) The dentist is pretty much a 3 in my book – to be avoided at all cost. I’m not afraid of him, just untrusting and wary. I know I’ll have to get over that pretty soon. But when you combine a lack of dental insurance with a sketchy at best dental history, I think it’s understandable. I’ve had a lot of cavities, a few too many root canals, and I’ve even had to have a tooth pulled because of a lack of communication between the dentist and my father (when I was too young to be the person told) about needing a permanent filling added at a later date. Oh and the root canal where the doctor drilled too deep. That was fun. I probably have all my details mixed up but seriously, I just don’t like them. My last dentist was completely unaware of how to properly use Novocaine and to add to that, he was also the opposite of gentle and kind of a jerk – even the dental hygienists didn’t like him and complained about him behind his back. There is a supposedly really good children’s dentist in the next town (Dr. Tony – read about him here) over and I’m planning to take my son there when the time comes (and I think it’s coming soon) because I’ve heard rave reviews.

3. If you could interview anyone, who would you interview, and what would the first question be? I’d interview John Mayer and my first question would be, “Don’t you read my blog?” My next question would be, “Why haven’t you called Natalie Portman yet?” or “Are you really dating Jennifer Aniston again, because I’m skeptical of the media at this point.”

4. What did you do over the weekend? Let’s see, we had “game night” if you can call it that, and ate lots of yummy pizza, artichoke dip, pumpkin bread & cookies. I bought some fabric and a cutting board, etc. so I can learn to quilt – that should be fun. I hope. I’m not the world’s craftiest person but I’m gonna try! We also bought my son Big Kid Underpants because I’m planning to start POTTY TRAINING this week. More on that later.

John Mayer: I Can’t Help You If You Don’t Want To Be Helped

So are John and Jen back together or do they (or the media) just like messing with me? John, you were supposed to call JNatalie who is SINGLE now, as in, on the market, available to take your calls. Instead, you call your ex, which is worse than drunk dialing, just so you know. We all know this never ends well. I mean if you’re just being nice because your ex crashed your birthday party, whatever, but I know about the dinner date last weekend. There are support groups for this you know. And rules.

Don’t Date Your Ex. It’s stupid. I know it can be scary turning old, but didn’t anyone tell you that thirties is young now? It’s like the new 20. With today’s technology even 40 isn’t old. I know 50 year olds who look like what I thought 30 looked like ten years ago (you know when I was fifteen). What’s my point?

You’re supposed to be dating JNatalie!

Geez. Just promise me you’ll stay away from Jessica, okay?

Thursday 13: Seattle Grace Style

For this week’s Thursday 13 I’d like to continue in the silly celebrity-obsessed mood that has taken me over since reading about JNatalie being On The Market again (even though I hadn’t been aware that she was off the market in the first place). But I won’t bulldoze you with more of that topic, instead, let’s talk about Grey’s Anatomy!

The new season is starting tonight and there have been speculations galore about what the new season will bring, but let’s talk about the 13 things that I’D personally like to see in this season’s two hour premiere:

  1. There are rumors that someone on the show will be pregnant, but nobody seems to know WHO – most fingers point to Callie being the obvious suspect, what with all of her hussying about last season, but I think it would be MORE fun if it were a pregnant MAN now that we know that’s possible. And if Callie wants to BE the pregnant man, I guess that would be okay, but don’t you think it would be more fun if somehow Dr. McSteamy himself got pregnant? Somehow??? It is a medical drama, it could happen!
  2. Alex and Izzie just HAVE to get back together. I’m so tired of Izzie lusting after the wrong men – George, seriously? It was cute for exactly one minute. And Denny was fun, but he’s dead and gone so unless she also wants to be dead and gone I say she OPEN HER EYES and admit that she’s hopelessly madly deeply in love with one adorable Alex. Seriously.
  3. I am happy with MerDer for the moment, so I say they can just be happy and lovey and that Derek cannot die in a car accident and that Rose can NOT ruin this for them. And they should move in together post haste.
  4. Hmm and what about Lexie? I see her eyeing one George and while personally I think they’d be GREAT together it doesn’t seem like the writers want to actually take that route, so if she can’t be with George, who SHOULD she be with? Not McSteamy, please. Any ideas? Speculation? Girl needs some FUN is all I’m saying.
  5. I really want the Chief and his Wifey to get back together and for good. They love each other, it’s adorable. They should be all lovey dovey and OHHHHH maybe somehow SHE could be the prego person? Then I wouldn’t mind it not being a man because they could be all, “How is that possible?” and the chief could be all “no way” and his wife could be all “YES WAY, BAM!” I’d love it.
  6. Speaking of marriages that need to be worked the frek out, can Bailey and her man please get some couple’s counseling and work this out? Because I’m just not feeling it. I know there is drama but I really want them to work their ish out. For the BABY, please?
  7. I’m kind of bummed that Pacey won’t be making an appearance now that he’s all Fringey (great show btw) – can one of my other boyfriends make an appearance? John Mayer, are you free? You could totally have an affair with Sandra Oh before you hook up with JNatalie, I give you permission.
  8. Speaking of S.Oh, Cristina needs a better arc this season – no more moping, and no more annoying as all get up competition with Scalpel Up Her But Hahn. Cristina is the bomb and she needs to come into her medical own and maybe get a boyfriend (but I hear that’s definitely happening anyway which is awesome) because there is life after Burke the Jerk.
  9. I think for some reason there should be another Seattle Grace Prom because appart from Denny dying that was FUN – the DRESSES – the high school drama – it was fun. Or how about a homecoming parade? Floats could suddenly start gliding down the aisles, but instead of being on those floatey things, they could be on hospital beds? Work with me, I think it’s brilliant.
  10. If Addison comes back, it has to be so she can be in the MerDer wedding. And she has to be elated and engaged herself to the Private Practice hottie guy whatshisname. And then she’ll go back with her gorgeous red hair and awesome bad assed self. I love her, but not when she’s making MerDer drama, mkay?
  11. Who else could randomly come back? McVet? I kind of liked him, maybe he could be Lexie’s new boy toy? I can actually totally see that, there would be weird drama but Mer is happy with Der so she’d get over it and it could be AWESOME.
  12. I wanna see more babies – we need another prenatal doc to replace Addison’s medical status. A neonatal specialist, is that was she was called? Maybe it could be a man though, that could be hot? The gorgeous pediatrician surgeon guy? He could be Cristina’s new man in the permanent sense after John goes off with JNatalie – maybe JNatalie could be on the show, too, and STEAL John from Cristina and then McPedi could help Cristina get over it in the on call room?
  13. Maybe Hahn and Callie could adopt a child together since Callie isn’t pregnant anymore in my imagination. Dakota Fanning perhaps? Or that adorable little boy from Finding Neverland and everything else.

For more Thursday 13 fun click here and if you do a T13 of your own be sure to link up!