An URGENTish Open Letter To John Mayer,

In case you weren’t reading the People Mag headlines on your Google RSS Reader this morning like I was, or in case she didn’t call you herself to tell you, JNatalie is officially On The Market (I’m assuming you haven’t snatched her up yet or that would have probably been in the headline, right?) as she and her folk-rocker boyfriend whom I’ve never heard of have BROKEN UP.

Notice, if you will, that her ex was a musician – that totally gives you an in – and I mean, maybe she’s a little tired of the folk rock thing and you can be all, “Baby, I’m gonna pour you a bowl of Count Chocula and sing you some POP music while I pull some of the oat pieces out, so it tastes like there’s just mooooore marshmallow, baby JNatalie, cause that’s how much I care about you girl, girl I would change up the marshmallow to oat ratio for you!”

And how could she say no to that? I know any man who can talk about breakfast cereals and ratios in the same sentence is a worthy partner indeed. I’ve tried to sneak it into my husband’s conversations (to little avail) for sure and it wouldn’t be much of a stretch for him.

And John did you hear about the charity compilation she curated on iTunes, Big Change: Songs for FINCA? That’s right, she’s into charities and music and HELPING people. I don’t think we need to put this up to vote anymore, John, this girl:

She’s The One. I can FEEL it.

So please put me out of my “misery” and “call her” or whatever it is you famous people do to hook up.

But WHEN you hook up and you’re all wedding bells and fireworks together, don’t alert the media – because it seems to me that media and romance are like the kiss of  death for you young stars. So, just, email me or whatever at mommablogsalot @ and let me know so that I can get to work planning your wedding and I promise I won’t tell anybody who doesn’t read this blog, mkay?

Impatiently Waiting,


6 responses to “An URGENTish Open Letter To John Mayer,”

  1. momma blogs a lot » Blog Archive » Monday Morning With The Sick Kid Avatar

    […] be? I’d interview John Mayer and my first question would be, “Don’t you read my blog?” My next question would be, “Why haven’t you called Natalie Portman yet?” […]


  2. momma blogs a lot » Blog Archive » John Mayer: I Can’t Help You If You Don’t Want To Be Helped Avatar

    […] Jen back together or do they (or the media) just like messing with me? John, you were supposed to call JNatalie who is SINGLE now, as in, on the market, available to take your calls. Instead, you call your ex, […]


  3. mommablogsalot Avatar

    @ Shelley : I totally get what you are saying but I think that he’s a good person – it’s easy to act like a bad person when you aren’t with the right person. I hear you though – if he hurt her, I’d be sorely tempted to take her side…


  4. Shelley Avatar

    Ok, first of all, I flove Natalie Portman. She and Drew Barrymore are my favorite actresses, ever. I also love John Mayer, but in more of a “he’s hot and I love his music” kind of way. Lately though, I’ve gotten the impression that he’s a playa, yo. I’m afraid he would break Natalie’s heart. Unless maybe she’s THE ONE who could capture his heart. Apparently, it wasn’t Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Aniston. I’d be worried for her. And I’ve given this entirely too much thought just now.


  5. Jen Avatar

    Too funny! When I read the news yesterday of Natalie and her boyfriend’s split, I immediately thought of you and your mission to fix her and Mayer up. It is like the universe is totally cooperating with your plan. 🙂


  6. Thursday 13: Seattle Grace Style « momma blogs a lot Avatar

    […] About Me {momma} An URGENTish Open Letter To John Mayer, […]